Sliding down the wall aceo

Sliding down the wall aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've had this image for a long long time. I was drawing like this early in my diagnosis of bipolar disorder - sometime about 1997 or 1998. At that time I was only using marker and trying to get my thoughts and feelings on paper as fast as I could. I was doing many images a day - Most I got rid of because they embarrassed me. Later I added colored pencil to the markers or just used colored pencil but they were slower to draw with and finer looking. The drawings were more elegant. The early marker drawings were much more raw looking.

This is a picture I don't even remember doing, which is odd because I remember drawing most of them. There was a catharsis in the drawing - once the feeling was on paper it gave the emotion a place to live so it didn't have to live inside of me. I used to look at them after they were done and feel the relief - feeling the awfulness leave me. So I find it so odd that I have no memory of this one. It must have been a really really bad day.

The image is about sliding down that wall....trying to hang on and getting nothing for your trouble but broken nails and blood. It's about hanging on to anything... a relationship beyond repair... your sanity, ideals... a dream you've had.... we all have them.

Those things that are too painful to give up but excruciatingly painful to hold.

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