Grab all you are and move on down your path aceo

Grab all you are and move on down your path aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Many people don’t think bipolar disorder is all that bad; in fact some seem to think it’s kind of a kick. I’ve thought a lot about it and I don’t think it’s bipolar disorder per se that’s so interesting - It’s the whole mania thing that’s so fascinating.

To check out my theory I goggled the word mania and genius. I got 3,430,000
hits. 783,000 for mania and creativity. I only got 262 hits for the words mania and chronic sinus infection (And that‘s partially because I‘ve posted this essay before - so some of the hits were for this). I see a pattern here.

Why is it that bipolar disorder is associated with creative genius? And is that a good thing? After all, there are lists of all the tortured creative types with bipolar disorder (those with documented bipolar and those that are just inferred to have had it based on their lives, being dead and all). What is it about the disorder that is so intriguing? 3,430,000 is a lot of hits. I think it’s mania. More so, a misunderstanding of mania.

I met a man with narcolepsy once. Another hugely misunderstood disease. Many people think narcoleptics are just sleepier than most. That is not even an understatement.

The fact is, narcoleptics sometimes cannot control wakefulness. They are not falling asleep like you and I. They are going from fully awake to dreaming, uncontrollably. It can happen when they are standing up, talking, at work, or just lying around watching the tube. It can happen during any period of high emotion (Think huge argument with a spouse. Think traumatic event. Think during a hearty laugh or good cry. Think sex).

The man I met was severe. He told me that every year on Thanksgiving; he fell asleep in his turkey. I asked what his family would do. He said they would continue to eat; he would wake up eventually. My mistake was making a joke about that while he was standing. I saw his eye start to sag, than his lip, and than his shoulder. The next thing I knew I was bolting across the room to catch him before he fell.

Narcolepsy is a serious medical issue. One that is life long, but for most, can be managed with drugs. I have heard a few people with insomnia go on and on about how; “Wish I had narcolepsy instead”. I didn’t tell them about the Thanksgiving guy because generally people are more interested in having something to whine about, than facts. I knew they were only seeing a tiny part of narcolepsy, the part that appealed to them.

I think the same is true for bipolar disorder. People see about it what intrigues them. There are many lists available of famous people with bipolar disorder. Some people will read the accomplishments and think, “if only“. But haven’t they noticed the number of suicides and broken lives among those geniuses? Would they be so willing to take the bipolar-glitz if they had to take the bipolar-dregs as well?

Some people would, I fear. There are many ways to get from point A to point B. You can walk. You can take a bus. You can ride a bike. Uncontrolled mania is a lot like getting from point A to point B riding a bullet. To some people riding a bullet sounds easier, faster, and more fun than taking a bus. It certainly sounds more exciting--and dangerous. Truth is, I know quite a lot of bipolar folks who would pick riding the bullet too, even though they know better. Mania may be as uncontrollable as riding a bullet, but it’s very seductive.

I do appreciate the ease with which I can do some things that I might otherwise find difficult (The glitz). I’m sure my narcoleptic friend doesn’t even understand the concept of insomnia and is probably grateful for it. Over the years, I have also come to accept the dregs because acceptance is about moving ahead with your life. Obviously my narcoleptic friend and his family are at peace with his diagnosis, as well --Face full of turkey and mashed ‘taters every year, and all.

Does being at peace with your diagnosis mean you relish everything about it? No. Should you feel guilty if you enjoy any 'perks'? No. Would I trade it all to not be bipolar? Hard question. It is so much enmeshed in what I am now, I would miss it. Would my narcoleptic friend give it away? It’s a hard call. I don’t know. In either of our cases, it’s a moot point. We are what we are and the most we can do is grab it all and move on.