Know what's sick? aceo

Know what's sick? aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

On eBay

Know what's sick? aceo
The mentally ill commit crimes on television that diabetics do not. Has an episode of Law and Order ever focused on a defendant's irritable bowel syndrome?Or has a raging sinus infection ever been a mitigating factor?

Nope and nope....

Bipolar Disorder isn't an identity, or an excuse or a reason to feel sorry for me, it's a chronic illness. And I'm a person... not an illness with a person hanging off a label. It hurts that I can pick a random police drama and, with reasonable certainty, see someone with the same diagnosis on trial for a heinous crime because the mentally ill commit crimes on TV that people with carpel tunnel syndrome don't.


The portrayal of mental illness in the media is endless generalizations; generalization upon generalizion until the kernal of truth is lost. We see creepy, scary folks that eat bugs. The homeless. The stalkers. The people who pee in doorways while reciting the Gettysburg address and make you want to take another way home. Those that are news worthy when they run naked at major sporting events. Movies with fun-loving inpatients who your kids would love to hang with...

What's worse? Stigma or sideshow over-fascination? Despite the media's portrayal; we are not all bug-eating door-way peeing naked streakers or hopelessly hip inpatients. There is a middle-ground to live with bipolar disorder and most of us are there; boring as hell.


Stigma is about shame. Stigma can only go on in the dark so I try and answer questions people ask me:

"It's called Bipolar Disorder, rapid cycling with mixed episodes. Uh-huh. That's a mouthful. Yes, I've hallucinated. No, not often. It's been years, I think.... The funniest one? Well--It's hard to classify the psychotic as amusing but I suppose the funniest one was when the linguine with clam sauce was talking. It did too! No, I swear. Well. What it was saying is a hard one. No matter how close I moved my ear to the plate I still couldn't tell what they were saying. I ultimately decided the clams weren't talking to me but amongst themselves."

I am willing to talk openly about my meds:

"There are a lot of drugs. Mood stabilizers like anti-convulsants that epileptics use. (I feel on safe ground here because a drug used for epilepsy doesn't pack the drooling-stigma-punch of Thorazine.) There are drugs for depression. Oh, and the anti-anxiety drugs, the sleeping pills and anti-psychotics are used (The last one can be a bit tricky. While people say they want information, I lose a lot of folks on the anti-psychotics.)"

The drug side effects:

"Some make me tired. Confused... Liver failure.... Acne.... Hair loss, except of course on your chin...where it grows.... Weight gain. No, this one didn't make me gain weight but I gained 80 pounds on a different one. Yes, that was a lot of weight. No, your right. Haven't lost it all."

When people ask if I see and hear things "like TV crazy-people do," maybe they don't want to know. "I'm just like you, silly! No one really has those kinds of thoughts. " Well, no one they know. No one with a son in their kid's school. No one behind them in the 10 items or less grocery aisle...Or shops for shampoo at the same drugstore. Or waits on line behind them at the ATM.

Hopefully, being open and comfortable about myself will lessen stigma over time even if it makes my world a little uncomfortable for a moment or two. Or nine.... Granted, copping to hearing clams speak amongst themselves isn't something most people are ready for but most people aren't ready to change their minds about anything without a little push.

About ten years ago I went to a seminar with a speaker who couldn't make a strong point without swearing. And he made a lot of points. After about an hour a proper-looking woman got up and said she wasn't accustomed to hearing that kind of language. The speaker bolted to within an inch of her face and let loose a string of expletives with a ferocity unequaled to anything since the big bang. The audience held it's collective breath and after a minute the speaker screamed at the now pale woman, "Are you f-ing accustomed to it yet?"

It was a point well taken, with me anyway. People live at their own comfort level until they are challenged. Being that in-your-face does have a place but it isn't usually necessary. Just living visibly in the bipolar middle-ground can be enough. Even if people seem a bit queasy at first about talking shellfish I hope living openly will widen the middle-ground and give me a bigger place to live over time.

WHAT IF HE WAS JUST CRAZY? ACEO

Available on eBay

I often wonder if he was wrong. I mean, no one's wrong about everything but what if he was wrong about a lot? Or what if he was just as nutty as his patients? I've read a lot about him and he was a bit of a .... well, the guy was... Oh let me just be kind and say he was a carnival of diagnosis codes.

I don't understand why someone who was, without a doubt, on the wrong side of the analysis couch is respected, revered and known as the father of modern day psychoanalysis ... while I am suspiciously eyed because of the bipolar disorder like I might start clucking like a chicken any second.

It's very aggravating.

CHILDREN HURT FOREVER ACEO

On eBay beginning the evening of May 31

I've never used the same image for two different auctions running at the same time before.

The story is sometimes when I'm making a card I will try it two different ways. Most times only one will work and the other will be awful. Or if the second isn't bad... it's not good enough to list. But in this case there was something about both of them that was tugging at me.

I intended to use the image to describe eating issues. It's what I was thinking when I worked on the picture in the first place but as I looked at this card it seemed to be saying something different to me. That happens sometimes. Art sometimes takes on a life and meaning all it's own... and I'm just the vehicle.

When I looked at the card this morning I decided to list it even though there is a card with the same image already listed because this card is about something else.

This card is about how when you hurt a child you change them. They change the second they are hurt...they change who they will be and they change the way they look back at themselves. In a sense people who hurt children change not only their presant and future...but their past as well.

So much is gone. Their voices... their smiles... their frowns... their kisses.... and a way to tell their secrets.

Hurting a child is a terrible thing.

THREE ORIGINAL PAINTING ACEOS ON CANVAS

There Aceos are available for sale on eBay. They are all done with acrylic paint on aceo sized gallery wrapped canvases.





Zen Landscape Aceo








Retro Pear Aceo








Still life lemons

For anyone who doesn't know how small ACEO cards are here is one scanned next to a splenda packet!

Playing with light....aceo and 5x7

I've always liked paintings that played with light. Not the Thomas Kinkaid light thing but real light...Misty light, foggy light...Low light...Unusual light.

I decided to try a bit of it this morning and see how it went.

This is a work in progress. It's little. 2 1/2 by 3 1/2 inches... I'm painting on itty-bitty canvases... Since I'm just starting out I don't know if that makes it harder or easier but I can tell you it sure saves on paint!


And speaking of light - whats up with photographing art? No matter what I do I can't seem to make the photos look like that art? In the case of the ACEO the painting looks more misty and gentle... And definitely not so GREEN. In the case of the 5 x 7 below I couldn't even get a reasonable shot without taking it way way far away... And even than it's much choppier looking. The picture seems more muted and subtle to me.

Heres another attempt but it's still not good... It's rough looking.

I'm still working on this...

Chairs to infinity at sunrise

ACEO AVAILABLE

I took this photograph in Capy May, New Jersey. These were the chairs on the balcony at the Grand Hotel... There was something about this photograph I've always liked.

There is something beautiful in those chairs. I can imagine myself sitting there resting, gazing over the railing... and it's quiet. Even though there are so many balconys and so many chairs no one is outside. No one takes time to stop and sit anymore... to just look at what's there.

I think about my life and I don't take much time to stop and sit either. There is always a call to make... a phone to answer... a bill to pay.

I must have missed so many beautiful sunrises just sleeping when I wasn't really tired...

ACEO 2 1/2 by 3 1/2 inches on heavy mat board. The card was done in two steps. First a background collage was done to compliment the picture and than the photograph was attached. I used several acrylic mediums, the last one glossy.

This morning's sky

The sky this morning was so full... of peace, of deep meaning... and a something that could only be described as promise.

Sometimes optimism is only a matter of physically looking up and seeing what is always there.

The sky over Bedminster, NJ April 29, 2008 6:30 a.m.

Joy!

Look for your joy in the glass being half full... Its the simple things in life that you can count on to always be there.

The fun things are all over to be found... The things that only cost a few dollars... the things that your 'too old' for... Find the joy in life like a child would - with sparkle and abandon.