Black white and gray on black white and gray

This is a close-up image of a 2 feet by 2 feet work -- acrylic tube paint and acrylic wall paint on birch wood. signed on the back $450
This painting is available at the Arts Unbound Studio, Orange, NJ

I'm in the current issue of CARDADDIX

I'm in the current issue!
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I'm in the current issue!
The current issue of cardaddix just came out and I have a card featured!

It's the newsletter associated with ACEO MAGAZINE aceomagazine.com/. Subscriptions and individual issues can be purchased at the website.

Buy my art on eBay

Fetal aceo

Fetal aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've used this image before.

This card is about when it's all - everything and everyone - it's all just too much. How at some point you can't take a thing more - a good thing, a bad thing...anything.... not one thing more. And you know all that works to make it better is collapsing in on yourself. Curling up. Not hearing or seeing anything else until you are ready...

The card was done on a base of mat board cut into ACEO format. Through the main image you can see the base papers and I think that that gives even more of a feeling of vulnerability... The figure is not only curled into a fetal position but you can almost see through her...or partly...like she's fading away. On top of the image are webby papers, gauzy papers and glass beads. There is a haze over her. Its more obvious in person...the scan shows more of the figure than you can see when you look at the card.

for sale

Know what's sick? aceo

Know what's sick? aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

On eBay

Know what's sick? aceo
The mentally ill commit crimes on television that diabetics do not. Has an episode of Law and Order ever focused on a defendant's irritable bowel syndrome?Or has a raging sinus infection ever been a mitigating factor?

Nope and nope....

Bipolar Disorder isn't an identity, or an excuse or a reason to feel sorry for me, it's a chronic illness. And I'm a person... not an illness with a person hanging off a label. It hurts that I can pick a random police drama and, with reasonable certainty, see someone with the same diagnosis on trial for a heinous crime because the mentally ill commit crimes on TV that people with carpel tunnel syndrome don't.


The portrayal of mental illness in the media is endless generalizations; generalization upon generalizion until the kernal of truth is lost. We see creepy, scary folks that eat bugs. The homeless. The stalkers. The people who pee in doorways while reciting the Gettysburg address and make you want to take another way home. Those that are news worthy when they run naked at major sporting events. Movies with fun-loving inpatients who your kids would love to hang with...

What's worse? Stigma or sideshow over-fascination? Despite the media's portrayal; we are not all bug-eating door-way peeing naked streakers or hopelessly hip inpatients. There is a middle-ground to live with bipolar disorder and most of us are there; boring as hell.


Stigma is about shame. Stigma can only go on in the dark so I try and answer questions people ask me:

"It's called Bipolar Disorder, rapid cycling with mixed episodes. Uh-huh. That's a mouthful. Yes, I've hallucinated. No, not often. It's been years, I think.... The funniest one? Well--It's hard to classify the psychotic as amusing but I suppose the funniest one was when the linguine with clam sauce was talking. It did too! No, I swear. Well. What it was saying is a hard one. No matter how close I moved my ear to the plate I still couldn't tell what they were saying. I ultimately decided the clams weren't talking to me but amongst themselves."

I am willing to talk openly about my meds:

"There are a lot of drugs. Mood stabilizers like anti-convulsants that epileptics use. (I feel on safe ground here because a drug used for epilepsy doesn't pack the drooling-stigma-punch of Thorazine.) There are drugs for depression. Oh, and the anti-anxiety drugs, the sleeping pills and anti-psychotics are used (The last one can be a bit tricky. While people say they want information, I lose a lot of folks on the anti-psychotics.)"

The drug side effects:

"Some make me tired. Confused... Liver failure.... Acne.... Hair loss, except of course on your chin...where it grows.... Weight gain. No, this one didn't make me gain weight but I gained 80 pounds on a different one. Yes, that was a lot of weight. No, your right. Haven't lost it all."

When people ask if I see and hear things "like TV crazy-people do," maybe they don't want to know. "I'm just like you, silly! No one really has those kinds of thoughts. " Well, no one they know. No one with a son in their kid's school. No one behind them in the 10 items or less grocery aisle...Or shops for shampoo at the same drugstore. Or waits on line behind them at the ATM.

Hopefully, being open and comfortable about myself will lessen stigma over time even if it makes my world a little uncomfortable for a moment or two. Or nine.... Granted, copping to hearing clams speak amongst themselves isn't something most people are ready for but most people aren't ready to change their minds about anything without a little push.

About ten years ago I went to a seminar with a speaker who couldn't make a strong point without swearing. And he made a lot of points. After about an hour a proper-looking woman got up and said she wasn't accustomed to hearing that kind of language. The speaker bolted to within an inch of her face and let loose a string of expletives with a ferocity unequaled to anything since the big bang. The audience held it's collective breath and after a minute the speaker screamed at the now pale woman, "Are you f-ing accustomed to it yet?"

It was a point well taken, with me anyway. People live at their own comfort level until they are challenged. Being that in-your-face does have a place but it isn't usually necessary. Just living visibly in the bipolar middle-ground can be enough. Even if people seem a bit queasy at first about talking shellfish I hope living openly will widen the middle-ground and give me a bigger place to live over time.

bondage aceo

AVAILABLE SOON
bondage aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Most people think that life's got them. That they are stuck... trapped in situations that they can't get out of... Hamsters on one those wheels.... In bondage to their jobs.... partners.... bills... obligations... wants... needs....

I think the truth is closer to what you won't let go of, chains you to it.

I think we spend our lives wishing for something else all the while dragging what we don't want around with us... always looking over our shoulders to make sure what we have and don't want is still there, wanting something else but never getting so far away from our comfortable misery so we can't see it.

I think there are a lot of reason people have for doing this ...probably as many reasons as there are people. Some people fear change and living in known pain is better than an uncertain future. After all we know how heavy the chains are... What will it feel like without them? What will we do with our hands? What will we do with all the time we spent complaining? I think Lily Tomlin was right when she said, "I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. " People sure so love to complain!


I think some people really don't believe they can get off the hamster wheel and that dooms you from the start. If you think you can, you can and if you think you can't your right too. It's sort of the cosmic version of a pre-nuptual agreement. Sort of like your saying to the universe... Well I think I can sorta do it...probably... most likely.... but if I can't would you mind mitigating my damages? Might as well tattoo FAILURE across your forehead.

Plus there's a lot of letting go and trusting involved in getting what you want - from yourself and others and letting go isn't something most people find easy. I don't, anyway.

I think most of the stuckness in my life is me.


The card looks better than the picture - the card is uneven in height and very glossy so shooting it and scanning it is difficut. This has been an issue with any card Ive done that been a collage pretty much! This one is no different! The card is an aceo blank of mat board and a highly textured black paper (crinkly)... I only used one background paper and it looks like patent leather - its really cool. The chain is a silver plated small linked chain and it all bound there with thick acrylic sealer.

JUST PASSING TIME ACEO

Time has a problem and a bad reputation. People blame a lack of it their failures but don't like an excess of time either.
If they only had the time to spend with their family...exercise... go back to school. If they only hadn't been so pressed for time they would never had chosen that job...that car.... that husband. Having lots extra time is seen as something that will get you into trouble... Too much time to fill is seen as a retired man who gets on every one's nerves... Too much time between where you are and what you want is seen as excruciating...

People talk in time... My biological clock is ticking. No time like the present. Time stands still for no one.... Idle hands are the devil's playground... A watched pot never boils. And on and on... I suppose there are sayings about time where slowing down and enjoying time is shown as a good thing - For example - Take time to smell the daisy's. But to be honest that one always reeks of 1960's Flower Children and doesn't really ring true to most people. I think they can see the value of it but not the practical application.

But the truth is time is a constant... it's your impatience that's the variable. And it's up to you to see the golden value in your time - to capture all your seconds and than file them away as memories. If you sit back and think about time, it's given you a lot. The passing of time gives you all the good things - all your good experience. Your joys. Your quiet moments between the fray.

Perhaps Memory's gift is gratitude but Time's gift is patience. If you take the two in tandem you can truly be a happy person.

CHILDREN HURT FOREVER ACEO

On eBay beginning the evening of May 31

I've never used the same image for two different auctions running at the same time before.

The story is sometimes when I'm making a card I will try it two different ways. Most times only one will work and the other will be awful. Or if the second isn't bad... it's not good enough to list. But in this case there was something about both of them that was tugging at me.

I intended to use the image to describe eating issues. It's what I was thinking when I worked on the picture in the first place but as I looked at this card it seemed to be saying something different to me. That happens sometimes. Art sometimes takes on a life and meaning all it's own... and I'm just the vehicle.

When I looked at the card this morning I decided to list it even though there is a card with the same image already listed because this card is about something else.

This card is about how when you hurt a child you change them. They change the second they are hurt...they change who they will be and they change the way they look back at themselves. In a sense people who hurt children change not only their presant and future...but their past as well.

So much is gone. Their voices... their smiles... their frowns... their kisses.... and a way to tell their secrets.

Hurting a child is a terrible thing.

HELP ME ACEO

BUY

This aceo is based on one of my earliest drawings. It was originally done in marker and there is really nothing on it but bold dark color and the word help...small and in yellow at the bottom of the page. The word is even hard to see because at that point the world is dark and closing in...and your pushed down by it... Your faded and fading.

I've tried to use this image before - I know I've had failures but I can't recall if any of them worked as well as this one. Something about it works for what I was feeling that day. And feel everytime the world is foreboding. The days I feel translucent, pale and like I'm not on Earth anymore. Like I don't have the weight anymore, the mass, to be on earth... Gravity isn't keeping me here... and I'm just dissapating into some sad pale mist.

The card is done on mat board cut into aceo format. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image. The main image is of a peice of art work I did several years ago.

SHE EATS ACEO

BUY

I did this picture a very long time ago and never did anything with it. Me without a mouth. I look at it from time to time and think - how can I print this? How can I look at this? How can anyone? Who would want to see this hanging in their home above their sofa framed? No one, of course.

I keep coming back to it though and it occured to me today, its not me without a mouth, it's me without a voice.

Eating disorders. What can I say about them that hasn't been said? It doesn't matter if you eat too little or too much... very few people who have an ED haven't done both. I've been both too skinny and too fat. Multiple times. When I was too skinny I felt much bigger and when I was too fat I never felt quite as fat as I was... I never am quite in the same place as my body.
And I didn't get for a long time... this whole thing - what makes you eat beyond being sick... and what makes you not eat..beyond being sick? What is it? If that picture is me now how long do I have to go back in my life to find a picture of myself with a mouth? A voice? How little would I be?

When I did this photograph about a year ago I couldn't imagine doing anything with it... but I kept it.

Maybe if I gave my little girl her voice back I wouldn't have to eat to keep her quiet... and wouldn't have to not eat to give her power and control. Maybe my little girl does have a voice if I can just find her...and let her speak.

This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image.

An avocado in Mrs. Brady's Kitchen

This is a work in progress. Found myself doing another retro style painting. An avocado in avocado and orange - How poetic!

It's on 5 x 7 masonite.

I'm digging it

available at the arts unbound gallery in new jersey

THREE ORIGINAL PAINTING ACEOS ON CANVAS

There Aceos are available for sale on eBay. They are all done with acrylic paint on aceo sized gallery wrapped canvases.





Zen Landscape Aceo








Retro Pear Aceo








Still life lemons

For anyone who doesn't know how small ACEO cards are here is one scanned next to a splenda packet!

Abstracty pear work in progress...

So. More pears. I like them. They are pretty, have a cool organic shape going on...lots of great colors and seem

to lend themselves to tons of styles of art.

So this is the first shot of the pear as a work in progress on 5 x 7 inch masonite.

Here is shot 2 of pear work in progress... Getting there!

available at the arts unbound gallery in NJ

MAKE LEMONADE PAINTING -ACEO

AVAILABLE

And now for something completely different.... In the past I've only listed ACEO cards based on my art and photography. I used mat board, collaged with art papers...print my photographs on regular, photo, and some pretty darn unusual things ...than put it all together and make a complex card attached to an emotion, feeling or experience.

The simple things in life are beautiful as well... Things with visual simplicity. One thing...Two maybe...just a few colors... No art papers... Something you can put a story to, instead of me.... I paint. I rarely list anything on ebay that isn't an ACEO card done in the manner I described above because...well, frankly they don't seem to sell very often. (Just keeping it real!) There are wonderful artists on ebay and perhaps my selling just the cards...or just paintings...without an attached emotion isn't the same. Maybe people would rather I stick to what I was doing but I had to try... I have this thing in my head... My artist-self - how I see myself as an artist - is wrapped up in my abilty to paint...or not.... and well, if I can, I am, if I can't I'm not...and...oh man, I didnt mean to make this listing a therapy session!

Enough of that! This card is done on a teeny sized gallery wrappy canvas. How do they make them??? Its 2 1/2 by 3 1/2 inches and I even took a picture of it with a spenda package so you can see what your getting if your not familar with how small aceo's are. The other picture shows it from the side and you can see there are sides :) I have since painted the sides a bright blue like I paint my larger canvas paintings. I have signed it on the front with 3 bars... and on the bottom with my last name. Its sealed with a matte acrylic sealer. As much as I try to get colors correct, its hard in photography... and all monitors are different as well. It may be different when you get it but no matter how it looks on your monitor...I promise the lemons are shades of yellow and the background is shades of blue.

If it doesnt sell... well, thank you for looking!! I have other aceo's listed... My usual kinds as well as a few more like this!

HOW MUCH STUFF DO YOU NEED? ACEO

AVAILABLE

How many times a day do you say 'I need.....' Need? Need is a necessity. Need is something like clean water... Food....

People don't need cable TV... I don't need cell phones... Face it, I don't really NEED and internet connection although my life would be very different without one. I'm about to find out what it's like to not need a car what with the price of gas and the state of my junker. But I've managed to find a bit of peace about it... or maybe resignation, karma...peace....
People look at things like dry cleaning... renting DVD's.... take out dinners... like they were a necessary part of life. Sorry, oxygen is a requirement. Dry-cleaning isn't even in the same time zone.
I'm getting a bit sick of consumerism telling me what I need. The store display windows (which is what this photo was of)... the non-stop commercials.... the coupons that come in the mail everyday... Even my phone rings with offers that are "too good to pass up". I'm feeling manipulated, like I don't even know what I want anymore... Like I only know what I've been told I need.
Who started this?

This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image.

FETAL SET OF 4 ACEOS

Fetal Set

BUY

I've worked with this image before because it tugs at me. Calls to me... It's special to me... It's simple and sad and nurturing at the same time. It's about caring for myself. It's about taking care of my wits and my sanity. It's how I survive when all I have left is my body.

I was drawing like this in the summer of '97, months before I was diaganosed but I was symptomatic. At that time I was more concerned with quickly getting feelings down on paper and I don't think I had started using colored pencils yet; I believe when I did this one I was still only using markers. They were fast to work with, had blazing, sometimes shocking, color and they suited everything I needed at the time.

These cards show the image broken into a set of 4 cards. I've never broken the image before and I've had it for months before deciding to sell it. I didn't know if having this image broken was right but together they make the whole. The is about when it's all - everything and everyone - it's all just too much. How at some point you can't take a thing more - a good thing, a bad thing...anything.... not one thing more. And you know all that works to make it better is collapsing in on yourself. Curling up. Not hearing or seeing anything else until you are ready...

Each card was done on a base of mat board cut into ACEO format. Through the main image you can see the base papers and I think that that gives even more of a feeling of vulnerability... The figure is not only curled into a fetal position but you can almost see through her...or partly...like she's fading away.

This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image. I'm starting it at the same price I start one card but the auction is for 4 cards.

The Peter Principle, Problems and Green Eyes ACEO's

Eyes are the seat of the soul

BUY

They say your eyes are the seat of your soul - If your one who does the soul thing. If the idea of a soul isn't appealing your eyes would probably be the seat of all that is you...

But in a practical sense your eyes hold many things. Your intentions, beliefs... your past... the baggage you carry shows up in a suspicious tilt when someone looks like someone who wronged you. The little sorrows that show just for a millisecond for all to see - Not that anyone is ever looking that close. And what about the quick smile that's only a lift of the corners....and you have to hide it quick because your in a serious place.. or laughing at something politically incorrect. And lying.... The reality is lying isn't all that tough to see... All those things are in your eyes but people rarely look.

Maybe your eyes being the window to your soul is too esoteric. Maybe its more like a visual represention of how your doing. Maybe it's why when someone asks how are you doing....and you say 'fine'.... they know your NOT fine. Maybe your not being fine is in your eyes. Maybe it's meant to be when you don't have the words to share just how unfine you are. Maybe it's a gift.

This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image.

Problems Aceo

BUY

Problems.....What is it about problems that makes solving them so hard? I've listened to people talk about their unsolvable problems and it's occured to me...that's the problem. They are talking about problems, pleural. Problems, lumped together are unsolvable.


This picture is the ground at the base of a tree and it reminded me of the way people deal with problems. It's a jumble of stones, twigs, leaves and I don't know what else... When there are so many things to look at you can't see each individual thing anymore. It's like you can see one stone... you can see two... maybe seven.... but at some point the individual stones dissolve into 'many'...
Problems can not be solved once they have dissolved into 'many'. They are overwhelming; they are unsolvable.


I listen to people talk about 'their problems' and I try to tell them that if I am thinking of of my problems that way it's hopeless. Its like 'my problems' are a big ( 6 foot around) ball of string where each problem has no end, no beginning and they are all interconnected. To solve anything I must separate it out... I have to deal with one thing at a time...


The rocks in this picture reminded me of the problems all lumped together with twigs, with leaves... And how to deal with one - to really see it - you have to pick it up, move it away from the rest. Move it from the 'many'....


This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image. There are lots of papers on this...it sits pretty high :) And the photo sits on top.

The Peter Principle Aceo










BUY





Okay, so the theory is you rise to the level of your incompetence. I mean that's it in a nutshell... there's more and it really deals with the workplace but I've seen it applied to life in general and that's what I'm considering now.


On that Hierarchy the peter principle loves so much... where am I? On that bottom step... even on a step? What happens when you can't work? Not won't work.... Can't. Does that mean I've reached the level of my own incompetance by default?


And the whole premise feels bad to me... It's like we are framed by our failures. I hate that negativity. It's like bad karma in practice... Knowing you can't in therory assures you won't in practice.


This card was done in standard ACEO format of 2 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inchs on heavy mat board. It started with a background collage with multiple art papers to enhance the main image.

Moved on from fruit to people and water...

In an effort to move on to things I have difficulty with I decided to tackle two at one time.

Water and people...

I ended up with a swimmer. I like it but it's still a work in progress. The water isn't watery enough and the swimmer isn't people-y enough... Well she looks like a people but her shadows are all off....or something.

5 x 7 inch acrylic on masonite

May 22, 2008 Update

I reworked my swimmer to take out some of the greens and some of the business in the water.

Retro Pear Aceo

I have to say, i like this little pear! It's done on a little 2 1/2 by 3 1/2 inch gallery wrapped canvas.

Painted with acrylic paints. It's my second still

life and I am really enjoying doing them.

While this one started out to be just a pear - much like the lemons are just lemons some where along the lines it ended up being a bit stylized with a dark border around the pear and a graded background. I will say that the background is more on the brown-orange-cream side than the red-pink-light pink side but it still looks nice I think.

Some day I will work out my camera issues.

Playing with light....aceo and 5x7

I've always liked paintings that played with light. Not the Thomas Kinkaid light thing but real light...Misty light, foggy light...Low light...Unusual light.

I decided to try a bit of it this morning and see how it went.

This is a work in progress. It's little. 2 1/2 by 3 1/2 inches... I'm painting on itty-bitty canvases... Since I'm just starting out I don't know if that makes it harder or easier but I can tell you it sure saves on paint!


And speaking of light - whats up with photographing art? No matter what I do I can't seem to make the photos look like that art? In the case of the ACEO the painting looks more misty and gentle... And definitely not so GREEN. In the case of the 5 x 7 below I couldn't even get a reasonable shot without taking it way way far away... And even than it's much choppier looking. The picture seems more muted and subtle to me.

Heres another attempt but it's still not good... It's rough looking.

I'm still working on this...

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE ACEO

AVAILABLE HERE

I end up there pretty often it seems.... Between that hard place and those rocks. And why? Do I set myself up...Plan poorly.... Do I want to be there standing on those rocks.... Staring at that wall....again?

It's frustrating. You would think I would learn from past mistakes. Think I would stop ending up at that same darn wall over and over again. You'd think I could see it coming a mile away... But no. I never see it coming until I'm a foot away. With no way out.
I must really like that stupid wall.