The Artist in the Mirror

Retro in black and colors

2009-04-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

I know its out of focus - so sorry about that. I'm hoping this all works out in time as my eyes recover from the surgery...

This is a continuation of my current work with unstretched canvas. In total its a bit bigger than 8 x 10 probably... I haven't measured. And its on raw unprimed unstreteched canvas... Which is really interesting and I like the color.

I think I will be leaving this one be. Now all I have to do is figure out whats involved with stretching.

Zen in red and gold

2009-04-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

This is one I've been working on and finished this morning. I added a dusting of powdered metallic pigment for the glow it needed. Its 1 ft by 2 ft on birch wood.

This is still drying and the blog will be updated for sale availability. Contact me.

Rainforest 1 ft x 2 ft on birch wood panel

2009-04-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

I've been working on this one for a few weeks to add the definition it needed. This was a painting that needed some definition. Some high lights and low lights and some place to rest your eyes between all that green.

Its a bit easier to see how it came together in the close ups.

Painting is still drying and will be available. Contact me if you are interested.

Retro paint doodles....

2009-04-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

Paint on raw unprimed, unstretched canvas.... an experiment that's working for me.

more to come.... http://crazysuburbanmom.blogspot.com/ The Crazy Suburban Mom

Candy Explosion!

2009-04-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

This is a follow up image - an attempt to better show the layers of clear color and iridescent and translucent colors in this painting.

It's better but still much prettier in person. Very girly, I'd call it. It's 1 foot by 1 foot on a birch wood panel. With Gobs of textured acrylic medium to get the layers... and lots of candy colors.

Its really a happy happy thing! In fact its so happy I painted the sides and back pink as well.

Zen gold on red

2009-03-30T02:44:00.000-07:00

This is a wip because I'm missing the gold I need to make the gold really gold. I think this need a real metallic (another one that needs a metallic .... I see a pattern here).

Other than that I think I'm going to leave it be...

This is about a foot by two feet on a birch wood panel. The background had layers of reds, browns, oranges and yellows to achieve the layered deep reds.

putty on red and blue

2009-03-28T02:48:00.000-07:00

This was done on a panel that I prepainted with rusts and a bit of blue. In some places you can still see the colors come through - It looked like an old weathered plank before I started painting.

It has a very red white and blue feel but folksier... More rustic.

The full painting is on a one foot by two foot birch wood panel.

Zen squares WIP

2009-03-27T02:01:00.000-07:00

This painting was done on a 1 foot by 1 foot, half inch thick piece of birch wood. Besides the acrylic paint I used a mica medium and it added a nice texture - as well subtle changes in the paint color. It drabbed down the brights while not making them muddy.

The black shot of squiggle down the middle is black enamel interior house paint.

Rainforest 1 ft by 2 ft on birch panel

2009-03-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

I went out and bought some wood today. I've been wanting to paint on raw canvas and ordered some but it's not here yet and I was itchy to paint something. I made a swing by Home Depot and Voila... I can paint again.

I wanted to take a break from what I've been doing and try something else. This painting was done entirely with a pallet knife. I've never done that before and I'm happy with the result.
The colors are a bit gold-green in the first picture. They are more like the original in the close ups.

This painting is an acrylic painting done on a birch wood panel. It is still a work in progress - In fact I just stepped away from it. It's sopping wet.

I love the colors and the glow....

blue grey and black

2009-03-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is a close up of my current work in progress.

So I was in TJ Maxx looking for a basket thing to cook fish in on the grill and though I'd check out the clearance art section for damaged artwork I could buy and paint over.

There was this highly damaged 'painting' on wood (no frame, just a hanger in the back) about 3 feet by 4 feet and when I turned it over to see the clearance price I almost yelled 'Yipeeee!'

$2. I couldn't buy a canvas or a piece of wood that size for 5 times that much... So I bought it home, gessoed it and set about to painting a light sky blue and light (very very light) burnt umber background. It was actually very pretty. Very sky like... Heavenly actually. I almost let it be... but it wasn't quite there so I set about with the dripping, throwing and splattering.

I've run out of time and it's not done but I like it so far. Its got fine glass beads in one of the colors and mica in the gray. Not that that comes through in the photo. There is a nice sparkle that is coming from the additions...

I'm going to let it dry overnight and do a re-eval... I think it needs some punch. I've not been happy with paintings that don't have contrast and I'm not sure the black adds enough. But I'm leaving it be until tomorrow....

My studio

2009-03-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

Otherwise known as the "OMG-GEEEEZE-HOW-COULD-YOU-DO-THAT-TO-THE-PICNIC-TABLE" picnic table :)

Some people have no patience for the call of art....

And no sense of humor what so ever....

Fireworks in red white and blue

2009-03-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

This is done on a 16 x 20 gallery wrapped canvas. I used both acrylic artist paint and latex house paint for its pouring and dripping ability. You can see the detail in the close ups.

Contact me for buying information $225 shipped to USA

Color study 3

2009-03-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

This was done on 5 x7 masonite. Ive been doing some smaller color studies and it makes things easier before I work on large pieces.

Under the seas abstract paintings

2009-03-16T05:29:00.000-07:00

I did a little mock up of 'under the seas' hanging since i dont have anyplace to hang it myself. I really like the way these came out but I have a small place and have no place to hang it.

This is one work on two canvasses. Each gallery wrap canvas is a 16 x 20 canvas . Contact me for information about purchasing this work.

right side canvas

left side canvas

The painting has great texture and it comes through in the close ups

Popping retro green dots

2009-03-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

Color study on 16 x 20 gallery wrapped canvas -

This ended up being quite interesting. Have pallet knife have dripped paint. I think the green really pops.

Contact me for buying information

Color study 2

2009-03-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

sexond color study - this one is working for me. 5 x 7 on masonite

Juicy Juicy pear painted aceo

2009-03-12T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is a juicy juicy pear done on an aceo sized canvas in acrylics - its available. Go next door for the juicy juicy close up!

my etsy shop www.popcornfeet.etsy.com/

This is more the kind of painting I was doing before my eyesight started on its decline last year. Do I miss painting like this? Sort of detailed (go next door for detail) considering its 2.5 inches by 3.5 inches I think...

Well, hard question really. I really liked doing this but my work was painfully tight and I was getting more and more so. I wanted to paint photographically I think and losing ones vision is sure to get you out of that. Or you'll just lose your mind whining about what you feel is gone...

I'm happy with what I'm doing now but I am very proud of what I did last year too...

Painting for charity abstract

2009-03-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

I try and support Foster Parrots by doing virtual adoptions of their unwanted pet birds. Foster Parrots is a 501 (c)(3) parrot sanctuary Rockland, MA. Their web page on virtual adoptions is here: www.fosterparrots.com/virtual.html

I am in my second year supporting Dora and Jewel. They are two beautiful little parakeets (I know they are beautiful... they sent me pictures!) that were unwanted by the families that made a promise to love them forever by taking them home. Luckily they were surrendered to Fosters...Not all stories end that well. Most don't.

I use some of the money I make on my art to do the adoptions which on small birds is $25 a year - plus I send them toys whenever I can. The parakeets are in a large enclosure and they live just like they would in the wild. In a happy loud boisterous flock! Also, while I send the toys in care of Dora and Jewel - I know they go where they go and another bird may get what I send. I'm fine with that. There are plenty of birds that need...

I'm telling the story because I want to sell this painting and directly adopt another small bird. If the buyer wants me to do a 'in the name of' gift donation and have the packet sent to them I would love to do that... Or if the buyer prefers that Fosters not know their name, address, etc I will adopt the bird in my name and forward all the information when I get it. Fosters sends a whole packet.

This painting is one of my most recent ones, done in February 2009. They style of dripping and throwing the paint was a result of low vision issues I am having. Hopefully with surgery I will have my vision back soon but until than I still want to be creative and these paintings have been wonderful for me.

And I am hoping they can be wonderful for a sweet unwanted little feathered thing too!

The painting is 2 feet by 2 feet on a 1/2 inch birch wood panel. I used a combination of acrylic tube paints and latex house paint. The sides have a combination of both.. with some opaque areas and some drippy splattered areas. I love the colors in this painting - some olives, yellows, navy and gray and white... and I think the combination is striking. From far away it looks like a large graphic but from close up you really start to see the detail. Actually from a distance the colors look a lot like my cockatiel, Tazzy! She doesn't have blue on her but the blue is a dark blue... I know they used to consider cockatiels in the small bird category.. If possible and if okay with the buyer I might try and see if there is a cockatiel available for adoption. So many times these cute little guys are treated as throw-aways - it breaks my heart. And they are the sweetest things ever...

The back is plain wood with a large saw-toothed picture hanger and felt circles. It is hang-able as is although it can be framed if you wish. I plan to sign and date the back.

$25 (or the cost of adopting a small bird, if its changed) will go to Foster Parrots from the sale of the painting. I'll probably also get some toys to send them ... I'll do the adoption in either the buyers name or mine - whichever is preferred but I will copy the information I get and send it on to you if you don't want the adoption in your name.

Here is the listing www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22186596

Visual landscape in grays and blues

2009-03-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

This is a 9 x 12 inch acrylic painting on a thick gallery wrapped canvas. Before I painted I added layers of paper for the wrinkles and texture you see on the main image but you can especially see this in the close up.

The sides are painted black and it has a thick gallery edge, It can be framed or hung on the wall with just a nail.

Date of creation - 2008

This is a nice calming image of a a far away landscape. Its minimal enough to be relaxing and calming but the layer of paper adds great texture for interest.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22141336

Landscapes in my mind acrylic painting

2009-03-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STR...

I'm broke. What can I say.... I'd like to sell some work so I can do more. I haven't had much luck selling artwork on eBay but I don't have a show coming up until June.

Also don't have room for the paintings that I have here and would really like them to find a home.

The listing is set as a buy it now $99 or best offer but I will take a reasonable offer.

This painting is a 9 x 12 inch acrylic on a thick gallery wrap with painted sides. You don't need to frame it to hang it. More information is at the eBay link.

Abstract 2ft x 2 ft on birch panel -- Comic books through the shredder..

2009-03-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

I was having some issues with this painting even though I had considered it complete. I had reworked some of the others so that they went 'to the edges' but hadn't done the same with this one because I was afraid I wouldn't be happy with the result of tweaking around with it.

Ultimately, I just wasn't happy with it. Every time I looked at it the edges bothered me I'm posting in the comment section what the WIP progress looked like...

This morning I took some more black paint and reworked the top and this image is the result. This image is an entire painting - I just cropped out the background but it is basically the whole thing not a section.

I like this much better than the WIP image (the one in the comment section below. The color areas are somewhat more covered but I think the composition of the overall picture makes up for the loss of colored areas.

This painting is available at Arts Unbound Studio, Orange, NJ

Nightscape of my childhood 6 x 6 acylic

2009-03-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

For sale on etsy.com www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21172405

This is a 6 inch x 6 inch acrylic painting on masonite board. I haven't listed on etsy.com in about a year maybe? But the cost of listing on ebay is getting... well... insane is what it is... so I thought I would give etsy a shot again.

I did the painting last year and it has a childlike quality I've always loved...I sold many other paintings since than but have kept this one... It's time to let go. I need room and it needs a home.

I've always imagined this matted and framed in a childs room. The colors are so bright and primary... The moon is full and friendly and there are stars in a clear sky. It's a happy night painting and something some kids might respons to being that so many are afraid of the night.

The painting is not framed and has a nice glossy acrylic sealer to keep it beautiful and bright!

Visaul landscape imagined through ill eyes

2009-03-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

16 x 20 inch abstract on canvas

I originally did this as a landscape - or started this as a landscape and it was boring boring boring.... and I left it on the wall for weeks.

At some point I decided to paint over it.

Yesterday I ran out of canvasses and boards and anything to paint on and decided to partially cover what I'd painted and not to do a whole other painting.

It's working for me.

I can't see the image all that well -- I have one eye full of eye drops and I've got to go get dressed for an eye doctor's appt. Later I will revisit this image and probably redo it...

Babel

2009-03-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

2 ft x 2 ft wall and art acrylic paint on birch wood panel

This painting is available at Arts Unbound Studio, Orange, Nj

5 x 7 on masonite

2009-02-26T03:25:00.000-08:00

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=150328029966

waves 5 x 7 on masonite

2009-02-26T03:23:00.000-08:00

I dropped this one and cracked the corner - so its gone. Im glad I have the picture of it

Black white and gray on black white and gray

2009-02-26T03:01:00.000-08:00

This is a close-up image of a 2 feet by 2 feet work -- acrylic tube paint and acrylic wall paint on birch wood. signed on the back $450
This painting is available at the Arts Unbound Studio, Orange, NJ

light yellow white and black on gold and olive

2009-02-25T03:10:00.000-08:00

This is a close-up image of a 2 foot by two foot work on birch panel. acrylic tube paints and acrylic wall paints...

Shredded comic books

2009-02-24T03:14:00.000-08:00

This is a close up image of a work that is 2 foot by 2 foot on birch wood panel. I used acrylic tube paints, acrylic mediums and acrylic wall paint. There is also a thin layer of paper under the paint.

$500

Sealife trails

2009-02-23T03:17:00.000-08:00

One work on two canvas panels. each 16 x 20 total work 20 x 32. Acrylic tube paint and acrylic wall paint.

$300

seascape 5 x 7 on masonite

2009-02-22T03:20:00.000-08:00

his is a 5 inch x 7 inch acrylic painting on masonite board.

The painting is not framed.

I gave it a nice glossy acrylic sealer to keep it beautiful and bright!

Date of creation - January 2009
Method - Main painting was done with a pallet knife with finishing darker touches done by dragging a brush over certain areas.

Please keep in mind its hard to recreate colors exactly -- the actual picture may appear somewhat different than it does here.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22115385

The good, the bad Acrylic painting and what motivates

2009-02-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." Albert Einstein

Sold

It's a great quote and good food for thought... and is he right? Is the motivation for behavior as important as all the good or bad you do?

The right edge is green, left is blue and 'moves' to green with the dry brush strokes you see here. It's really very interesting and very different from what I've done before. Its 16 x 20 inches.

$300 US dollars contact me for purchase information

Close up

Your still voice -- Acrylic painting

2009-02-15T05:45:00.000-08:00

This is something I've been working on... (You should be able to click for a larger size)There is an earlier version a little way back on the photostream. The work in progress version is very much like this one expect ... how do I explain without just saying 'darker'? I liked the first version and I've been sitting with it a few weeks but it was missing something -- like a song that was missing it's high notes. Or a stereo system set incorrectly, booming bass. At first you kind of like it...than it occurs to you somethings missing...and my the time you realize what's wrong you have a splitting headache from the perscussion of it all...

Well, the work in progress version of the painting (paintings, I guess - it's two 16 x 20 inch paintings done as one work) was a lot like that for me. So I added the... high notes. The bright spots. The part that gives your eyes a rest from the darkness...

The original idea was to do one idea on two canvases (each 16 x 20) based on a quote I recently heard by Sogyal Rinpoche. He said:

Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.

It got me thinking in a non-linear way.... about how sad and true his words were... about how inside of all of us there is this light that rarely shines... about how many of us don't even know it's there anymore... about the people I find frustrating and how if I'd look deeper I might see that the problem is with me....about how we all have this bipolar nature.

This one isn't done and the picture isn't very good. Still, There is still more variation in the color - depth - and it's a bit off.

For today I will try to attend to my still voice.

I've decided to sell some of my artwork. This is one piece done one 2 canvases. Each canvas is 16 x 20 so the entire piece hung together would measure approx. 32 inches by 20 inches long. It is done in acrylic with a matte seal finish and it is signed on the front of one side and the bottom of both sides. The piece was done with brush and knife. Some areas have raised textured paint -- some have the paint scraped off to expose what it underneath. The colors of this image are close although computer screens always distort to some extent. The sides are painted black and it has a gallery edge, It can be framed or hung on the wall with just a nail. I may list this on ebay in a week or so -- if it doesn't sell here or on eBay I will forward it to the gallery for sale there.

$520 US Dollars contact me at me dot parler at gmail dot com
Tracy

Flickr

2009-02-11T10:07:00.001-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Walking away....

2009-02-04T09:55:00.001-08:00

Walking away....
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

It's a hard thing to do; walk away from a friendship.

Perhaps, in an ideal world it should always be mutual... but perhaps it can never be mutual.

Like a marriage one party always feel slighted or wronged or needs more than the other person has to give...

The need to be right is toxic. Blame is toxic... Resentment is toxic...

Sometimes I guess it's better to let what was just be rather than let it turn into something ugly....

Cape May Beach Winter 2008

Your still voice (finished version) 2 - 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas)

2009-02-04T09:53:00.001-08:00

Your still voice (finished version) 2 - 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas)
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

On giving and generosity...

2009-01-26T10:12:00.001-08:00

On giving and generosity...
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe Me."

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.

Perhaps love is not as complicated a thing as we make it. Perhaps it's not the modern 50-50 proposition it has become... Where each does his share to make the whole.

What if I gave all that I had? What if I gave 100% not the half I thought was my obligation?

Is that the point of this poem? That giving isn't attached to the outcome? In any way? That if I am giving a dollar to someone on the street it doesn't matter what the person does with the dollar; what matters is the giving... And I don't give a dollar because of what I anticipate the person will do with it than it's me that needs to reorder my thoughts on giving?

And in a relationship if I am withholding because I feel the other person is withholding is that just a justification? Is that just a way for me to be 'right'? And so what? What will being right get me?

Perhaps you can only stand in warmth and brightness when you fully give of yourself first.

Hafez (or Hafiz) was a great Persian mystic and poet. He influenced many Western poets including Emerson who said "Hafiz is a poet for poets"

This is a photograph I took in Cape May, NJ, Winter 2008. I went to the beach at night and waited until dawn to take the picture. It was cold, so cold that night. Until the sun came over the horizon and lit the sky.

Fading to black...

2009-01-23T09:19:00.001-08:00

Fading to black...
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I haven't talked much about this in any specific way but I wanted to because I have no place do it.

I have asthma and once, sometimes twice, a year I end up on steroids... This last time something happened to my vision.

Around the time I was done with with the prednesone, my vision changed. I didn't attribute it to the steroids and didn't call my ophthalmologist for a few weeks.

I wasn't exactly ignoring it... exactly....more like wishing it would go away. But it kept getting worse. In the few weeks I waited I stopped being able to drive at night and stopped being able to read without difficulty. I had worn contacts in the past and it was now like looking at everything from behind a very dirty pair.

When I finally did go (In November) he told me I had cataracts. "Bad cataracts". And my near vision was "just awful". Something he didn't have to tell me because I could no longer read with out holding a magnifying glass over the print.

He said it was a combination of genetics (my father had them at a fairly young age) and the meds I take regularly and the steroids I took semi-regularly. I guess that last time pushed me over the edge....

He told me to come back in February to see how they were progressing but he thought being an artist I wouldn't be able to tolerate them very long.

I went back in December because it seemed to be getting even worse. Driving during the day was even getting difficult. Photography was getting very difficult and I switched to painting simply because it was larger... And reading had become such a chore I stopped doing it. One of my favorite things to do used to be to go to a bookstore and read. I went one morning, got a stack of books, sat down and realized I couldn't read any of them.

My doctor told me "the cataracts were getting worse by the month". I have an appointment with him next week to schedule the surgery. But because they were getting so bad so fast he sent me to a retina specialist to make sure I wasn't having something else going on. That, at least, went well.

So I'm faced with this surgery. And while many many many people have told me how safe it is... and I know that on an intellectual level... I also know that you sign a consent form for a reason. And that things happen. And also my sight will not be the same as it was before. My near vision will require glasses which it didn't only a few months ago. And near vision with glasses is not the same as near vision without glasses...

So while chances are that things will go well there is this nagging feeling and fear that my eyesight will not be the same as it was only a few months ago. And if it's not the same how will the difference effect what I see....and what I can do? Or not do?

Be right? Or be kind?

2009-01-22T07:02:00.001-08:00

Be right? Or be kind?
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

"When you have a choice between being right and being kind, just choose kind." ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

You have those choices everyday. Why is it so hard to let 'right' go? Why must people draw a line in the sand about everything?

And for that matter what is so bad about being wrong? What does it really mean about you? To you?

Could you spend a day letting everything go? Every look? Every eye roll? Every person who cuts you off on the highway?

I don't mean ignoring them and internally seething but really making these things non-issues. Perhaps be observers to them and nothing more... Make them a part of your life but just a passing part -- like a clock ticking. And than tocking to the next second.

Make these things entirely about the other people? Let them say nothing about you? Just see them? Watch them? But not feel them? Not clench when they happen?

If you can do this kind of thing for a day... or an hour... or even one time it will impove you're life. It will empower you.

Right feels mighty but it is brittle where kindness has a flexible endurance -- Like water against stone or branches in a wind.

Work in progress... Your still voice

2009-01-19T12:16:00.001-08:00

Work in progress... Your still voice
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

his is something I'm working on. Its one idea on two canvases (each 16 x 20) based on a quote I recently heard by Sogyal Rinpoche. He said:

Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.

It got me thinking in a non-linear way.... about how sad and true his words were... about how inside of all of us there is this light that rarely shines... about how many of us don't even know it's there anymore... about the people I find frustrating and how if I'd look deeper I might see that the problem is with me....about how we all have this bipolar nature.

This one isn't done and the picture isn't very good. There is more variation in the color and it's a bit off. It's a bit brighter in real life and the purple is much less violet and sharp. And the black isn't such a black hole... There are blues over it. Perhaps when the paintings are done I'll have worked out the photography issues but I didn't want to forget my thoughts about it... how I felt when I was painting it so I wanted to post it as a work in progress.

For today I will try to attend to my still voice.
Tracy

Kindness vs. rightness

2009-01-19T12:15:00.001-08:00

Kindness vs. rightness
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

"When given the choice between being right
or being kind,
always choose kind."
--Dr. Wayne Dyer

It's true you know. Being right most days gets you no where. You can be right and still be unhappy and alone. How caught up we are in our need to be right... Winning the fight. Making that point that will get the other person to say '' Oh, now I see. You were right"

But think about that person you always fight with... If you really think about it can you ever imagine them saying "OH! Now I get it... Thanks so much for pointing that out! Your right"

Is it your boss? Your mom? Your child?

You really can't imagine them saying that, can you?

Be kind instead... don't live with the kindness still inside you

I took this photo in the summer and it wasn't very good...probably still isnt... but I've been sitting here using digital mumbo jumbo on it -- I don't normally use so much digital stuff that the photo looks nothing like it started out to be... but this one... Well, it's entirely different. And I so love the colors! Sometimes its more about the colors I guess....

Prosperity

2009-01-19T12:14:00.001-08:00

Prosperity
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

"Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything else. You will see it coming into your life when you are unattached to needing it. " Wayne Dyer

Ah Wayne -- thats a hard one. Perhaps I am making my own fence? You could be correct...

It's just so hard not to need when what you need seems so reasonable. When your refrigerator has been making strange noises for quite some time... and you know one day you will open it and it will be warmer in there than in the kitchen.... When the last time you used your dryer you had to shut it off because it smelled like it was on fire and so you have been hanging your clothes to dry... When you don't even know what it's like to buy what you want anymore... Only what's on sale... I can't remember what wanting feels like... When ....

Well, I guess it is me than. I guess justification is my fence. Perhaps like this image an ocean is beyond it...

Maybe even closer to the truth -- I am the fence.

Safe spaces aceo

2009-01-16T12:24:00.001-08:00

Safe spaces aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I find empty space relaxing. When everything is full... When there is no where to rest my eyes... When visual clutter is everywhere all I want to do is run.
I find the spaces between things to be like breathing room.

Whether the space is under a quiet tree or in my mind it's the blank spaces that give me room to think... It's those spaces that allow my mind to breathe. To be quiet... To be peaceful... to be as it was meant to be,

Energy series -- Lava 2 (16 x 20 acrylic on canvas)

2009-01-16T08:22:00.001-08:00

Energy series -- Lava 2 (16 x 20 acrylic on canvas)
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

This is the second lava painting in the energy series.

There is a layer of paper on the gallery wrapped canvas that lends wrinkles and folds to the painting. It almost looks like a leather surface.

I'm very happy with the way these have come out.

not for sale

Panic button 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas

2009-01-16T07:50:00.001-08:00

Panic button 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Did you ever want a button that would get you out of whatever was happening? A fix me button? A help me button? A get me out of here button?

Me too.

I painted one the other day.

It sort of looks like a minimal modern art thing... but its actually a button. A panic button.

Falling down yesterday -- 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas

2009-01-16T07:49:00.003-08:00

Falling down yesterday -- 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

his is a brand new painting ... and a brand new style for me.

Honestly I'm not sure about it and I'm just playing around with paint. I was trying to use black and white and red and get the feeling of movement with very little actual movement clues....

I haven't been feeling all that well. I guess in some ways I feel like I'm falling.

Most of my art has so much happening. So much going on... lots of colors and textures. It takes so much time and effort and paint.... I paint standing up at the kitchen counter and hold up the paintings while I do them..... But yesterday I had nothing. No energy. No color... maybe just red.

I don't know. For whatever reason this suited yesterday.

sold

Forgiveness

2009-01-16T07:49:00.001-08:00

Forgiveness
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. " Mark Twain

I could never match the beauty of these words with an image.... I'll settle for the sky the color of violets.

Namaste,
Tracy

Energy series ( Focus ) 9 x 12 acrylic

2009-01-16T07:48:00.003-08:00

Energy series ( Focus ) 9 x 12 acrylic
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

've been trying to concentrate on energy as a theme.

FOCUS.

I understand that at first glance this painting doesn't look especially energetic in the traditional sense (Like, for example, the Lava paintings) however let me explain.

Focus is energy. The ability to hone in on something, to narrow down... to remain on a task... to really look inside and decide what you want... That all not only takes energy; it is energy. Focus is a powerful magnetic-type energy that draws what you want to you as opposed the the kind of energy you expend... or a visible energy like waves or wind...

Focus is the energy you use when you look to the horizons of your wants and thoughts and needs to bring them close. Into focus. Into your life....

Perhaps focus is your strongest energy. Or perhaps it's the strongest energy in people who get what they need...

Im not sure what I'm going to do with this painting yet. I need paintings for a show in the summer...or I might keep this one... I don't know. I might also sell this one....

Tangled up in Blue Acrylic Painting -- For sale make offer

2009-01-16T07:48:00.001-08:00

Tangled up in Blue Acrylic Painting -- For sale make offer
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

This is a 16 x 20 painting I did in the summer 2008.

In the song Tangled up in Blue, Bob Dylan sings:

And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.

I don't know what he meant to say when he wrote those words. I've read a lot of interpretations and everyone seems to have their own thoughts... I only know what tangled up in blue means to me....

Depression is like being tangled. Tangled up in a life that's yours but not yours... Day after day laying on the couch watching everyone's life go by you like it was a television show -- aware of it all -- yet unable to move out of your own sweet, sticky now.

I've had both depression and mania.... and depression is blue. And black. Colder than mania. Sucking and sweet in a way. Cold, the way freezing lulls you... Numbs you... Until you want to move and realize you can't... it's too late.

This is a 16 x 20 inch acrylic painting on gallery wrapped canvas. Before I painted I added layers of paper for the wrinkles and kinks (of life). You can especially see this in the close up. The whole thing was painted black first with the blue added on top -- because under the blue of depression is that black hole. That's a given.
I'd like to sell this painting. Please take into consideration that I ship UPS and that costs me about $20 and MAKE ME AN OFFER.

I hemmed and hawed a long time about the whole pricing issue in general about 6 months ago....but the truth is ... and this is the truth....I listen to a lot of Wayne Dyer CD's and his general philosophy is you get back from the Universe what you throw out there... To give is to get back.. to give more is to get back more.

If you want to feel connected to your own purpose, know this for certain: Your purpose will only be found in service to others. W. Dyer

I've let galleries price my work and have gotten letters from people who have been priced out... and from their letters I know they were meant to have the work. And so I've done painting for people who could not buy them in galleries...

So I'm putting this painting out there. Make me an offer and if I am able to accept it, I will.
Tracy (me.parler@gmail.com -- put offer in subject line. ... I will list on ebay in a few days if I don't get any offers here)

Blue Hawaii 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas

2009-01-16T07:47:00.001-08:00

Blue Hawaii 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

So my Hawaii thing rears its head again.... I know it's only my experience and in the real world bad things happen in Hawaii but in my life nothing bad every happens in Hawaii ... so given an hour to muse my thoughts frequently default to Hawaii.

I do a lot of blues and greens and aquas... This one was all aqua with just the smallest edge of black.

The gallery wrapped canvas was covered before painting with thick mulberry paper so the surface is nubby all over. The whole canvas was painting back at first and more black shows through that you can see in this photograph.

It's hanging across from my bed so I see it when I wake up everyday and I can remember... Nothing bad happens in Hawaii and it's the first place I see every morning.

not for sale

Limitless possibility is a fragile thing ACEO

2008-12-29T08:09:00.001-08:00

Limitless possibility is a fragile thing ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Life seems to have an unlimited possibility under summer night skies.. When all is well and warm and healthy. When you have more choices and chances for greatness than there are stars above you...

When nothing feels better than laying there..in soft grass and prickly weeds... and dust. Smelling the way wild flowers scent the night and brushing stray hair out of your eyes. Laughing with someone who loves you and holding them so close you can't tell where their skin ends and yours begins.

I was listening to a Bruce Springsteen song this morning and started to cry. Something that surprised me at first and than I thought about the words to the song -- The River.

But I remember us riding in my brother's car
Her body tan and wet down at the reservoir
At night on them banks I'd lie awake
And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take
Now those memories come back to haunt me
they haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse
that sends me down to the river
though I know the river is dry
That sends me down to the river tonight
Down to the river
my baby and I
Oh down to the river we ride

There was something mournful in the heart breaking words this morning...Listening to the song I was transported to that field and the next minute, jarringly, I was here ... just listening to a song -- many years later... with regrets and unfulfilled promises... and the lack of time to do all the things those night stars promised.

And the sadness was so heavy it about broke me....

despair aceo

2008-12-29T08:08:00.001-08:00

despair aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

What can I say about despair?

That bending isn't an option? Despair doesn't bend you; it only wants to break you.

That it's heavier than an x-ray apron? Heavier than sadness?

That it's unrelenting?

Despair is not an itch... despair is a burn.

Dreams aceo

2008-12-29T08:07:00.001-08:00

Dreams aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

When people look at you all they see is the outside - a shell - not you. Not your thoughts, not experiences, your gifts, your hopes...no dreams you hold or have at night. If you look into a mirror and are unhappy with what you see, your looking for yourself in the wrong place.

It's your dreams that tell the whole story. The story of where you have been and where you are going... Of your deepest, most hidden thoughts and how beautiful you are underneath the scars. Dreams tell the stories of your fears and accomplishments and, for me, solutions too. If I don't know what to do sometimes I'll go to sleep... knowing when I wake I'll know what to do. Solutions come to me as little dream bubbles that float in on a mysterious tide and burst - Each one bringing a new possibility that I never conceived of while constrained with the boundries of wakefulness.

I've thought alot about sleeping...and dreaming. I decided to do another card about dreams because I'm having trouble sleeping. I added a background of different papers...like the flowing thoughts I have before I fall (hopefully) to sleep. I added thin metallic gold filiments that run here and there around the card like the sharp thoughts that come and go...the ones that happen just when I'm falling asleep and jolt me awake. The final layer was beads and things that shine - different yet similar from eachother...These are the dreams in bubble form, waiting to burst and save me.

This card took a long time and had layers and layers of sealer between each different part. I never knew if I was done, until I looked at it and it said 'done' to me. It has many coats of clear sealer on it. Unfortunately the cards that are unever never reproduce well... the ones with the beads are the worst because there is never a focal point... I wish I had a better image of this for people to see... even the colors are a bit off...as coppers are really golds.

Your neighbor's window aceo

2008-12-29T08:06:00.005-08:00

Your neighbor's window aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Is everything really better behind your neighbor's window?

I know its easy to imagine life is better next door? But is it? Isn't everyone's life difficult? Hard in it's own way... Harder than yours in some?

Appreciate your own life today and stop looking in your neighbor's window for a salvation that just isn't there...

Years Best Aceo (YBA) 2008

2008-12-29T08:06:00.003-08:00

Years Best Aceo (YBA) 2008
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

this is from a group that began on ebay and is now a website aceoaddix.com/

Winning card precedes this image

Aquarium Aceo -- 1st place winner YBA 2008

2008-12-29T08:06:00.001-08:00

Aquarium Aceo -- 1st place winner YBA 2008
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

sushi set

2008-12-29T08:05:00.003-08:00

sushi set
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Into an unknown future ACEO

2008-12-29T08:05:00.001-08:00

Into an unknown future ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

This is a picture I took of a bank of elevators at Drexal University. I liked a lot about the image... The starkness... The sculptural sconces... The image in general.

It reminds me of walking into the unknown because the doorways are dark. So dark you can't see anything inside.. Its like all the light -- life -- has been absorbed once you step inside.

But is darkness so fearsome? It's like the future. Your perception of whats beyond your ability to see is what gives the light... Is not knowing a scary thing? Or is it exciting? Something to look forward to? A positive new level to reach?

Not knowing where you are going is the way life is... Why not meet it with joy? Why not see it as opportunity? Why not step into the unknown, sure that when the doors open and the future clears that it will be bright ... and good... and secure?

What do you have to lose?

This card was done a bit different than most. First it had more digital mumbo-jumbo than I normally do. And it is also embossed rather than glazed with acrylic sealer... It makes the card very thick -- but more delicate.

Hanging on ACEO

2008-12-29T08:04:00.003-08:00

Hanging on ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Some days it's a fight to just hang on.. And still ... no matter hard you try to keep a grip on your life you feel yourself sliding off...

Somedays you maintain your grasp and others you just feel yourself fading away into despair... into pain... into someone else... into nothingness...

This image is one I've used before. Its a drawing I did using markers around the time I was diagnosed. This time I printed it on a very thin paper so the background collage shows through... It's a very vulnerable image.

Princess phone aceo

2008-12-29T08:04:00.001-08:00

Princess phone aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

This is just for fun ... No deep meaning because sometimes life is just fun...and pretty and pink!

The main image is a princess phone with little pink crystals in each corner. The background collage has several papers -- pink pink and more pink! And the last touch is a blue vintage button to match the phone! But sewed (yes sewed!) on with pink wool. All in all -- really cute!

Letting pain rest in peace ACEO

2008-12-04T05:16:00.001-08:00

Letting pain rest in peace ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

You know I've been thinking about life all wrong.

And no matter how hard I try to Re-do... Re-parent... Re-think... My life is what it is. My past is what it is... And every time I make an effort twist and contort the way things happened --- albeit with the best therapeutic intent --- I only Re-injury myself.

I used to think that problems could be handled...Dealt with...Rationalized. That they could be put in perspective... Managed. Lived with....

And perhaps I wasn't entirely wrong in every case. But could they be solved? In the manner I was expecting? Hoping?

I was sitting here about an hour ago and suddenly felt like I was standing before my problems. Like in the movie The Matrix, when Neo sees those fields of bodies for the first time. That's how looming the scene was for me. Because each problem was a bed of lava with shards of glass poking out... And there were so many... The lava beds just went off into the horizon... and to the right...and to the left. And I was just standing there feeling very small.

And I guess it was than I realized that my whole life I have been looking for a way to walk across lava and glass and not feel it.

And that's not living.

There was more. There was the realization that no amount of self-help book can un-do anything... That no amount of therapy can realign grave injustices... And other things....

But the biggest thing I saw was the burning beds were only on one side of me... and I could turn away from them. I didn't need to find a way to walk around them. Or over them. Or pretend I didnt seem them. I didnt have to look at them at all....

To deal with my past in such an intimate manner was clearly a choice I had made...

And I started to cry...Because it was sad. Because it is...Was.... my life. And worthy of grieving.

But I'm done now. I'm going to let my life go on now... and let the pain rest in peace.

Limitless possibility is a fragile thing ACEO

2008-11-28T11:46:00.001-08:00

Limitless possibility is a fragile thing ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

The yin and yang of the TV show "24" ACEO

2008-11-22T06:41:00.001-08:00

The yin and yang of the TV show "24" ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

In life and in art its the negative spaces that make the whole.

If a picture was filled with color and lines...and things... where would your eyes rest? Would you want to look at the image? Would you want to come back to it again...and again... and again?

I remember the first season of the TV show '24'... I loved it -- I never missed it. It was exciting, thrilling --- exhilarating! But than it the season finale came and it was over and... I felt like I exhaled for the first time all season.

I hadn't realized how tense the show made me. Hadn't realized how anxious I'd been until the closing credits ran.. and I dissolved into a pile of relaxed goo.

"24" is a lot like life with no negative space. All yang, no yin.... All breathing in, no breathing in.... I could go on. But I wont...

So when I found this picture and worked on it, it reminded me of all of that. Perhaps its not exciting in the '24' sense but its a balance that works. A relaxation thing... Something that says the space between the pine needles matters as much as the pine needles...

At least that is my theory.

Years Best ACEO finalist - Abstract

2008-11-21T07:14:00.003-08:00

Years Best ACEO finalist - Abstract
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Years best Aceo is an ebay group. I am a finalist in three groups.

Years Best ACEO finalist - Collage

2008-11-21T07:14:00.001-08:00

Years Best ACEO finalist - Collage
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Years best Aceo is an ebay group. I am a finalist in three groups.

Years Best ACEO finalist - adult content

2008-11-21T07:13:00.001-08:00

Years Best ACEO finalist - adult content
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Years best Aceo is an ebay group. I am a finalist in three groups.

Appreciate what you have ACEO

2008-11-21T05:32:00.003-08:00

Appreciate what you have ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I spend a lot of time wishing things were different -- I were different. Particularly that I had more to give my son; that I didn't have to say 'no' so often. And it's no because I can't, not that I don't want too...

I keep wishing some of my paintings would sell... That I could go back to work...That I would win the lottery... I think these things are about me. I don't even think my son cares a whit. "No" isn't the worst word.

This picture was taken within walking distance from my house -- how bad a life is that? That I can see this everyday? That my son can? That I always have enough food for the next meal (even if it isn't what I exactly feel like) and that I am wearing shoes... and have a coat. And that I have an internet connection! I mean, really! If I can manage an internet connection I should not be whining about anything.

There is beauty is my life -- within a few feet of my front door. Within my house and so I suppose within my heart... I think that makes me lucky.

I think I forget that. I think we all forget that. That happiness is a perspective thing -- and a choice.

Walking into the dark ACEO

2008-11-21T05:32:00.001-08:00

Walking into the dark ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Walking forward in your life is always about walking into the dark, I suppose.

I took this picture near my home. There is a public garden with paths and ponds. It's lovey. I was looking through my photographs last week and realized I hadn't used any of the pictures so I decided to work with one of them. It's where the path becomes wooden stairs going up into a dark wooded area.

You can't see where your going but it's not scary -- not ominous. Somehow you know you'll come out into the sun on the the other side...

I didn't know why I chose to use this until yesterday. I was in Cape May, NJ -- In a shopping area and tired. I had left the stores and was sitting outside on a bench, people watching. Two men passed me talking loudly. One was smoking a cigarette and saying ... "Thats why I live the way I want and do what I want. One day she was fine and the next -- gone." And he made a waving gesture with his cigarette hand.

I don't know what the other guy said because they were too far away by that time.

But I thought of the picture and going into the dark... and I realized I'm going to the eye doctor tomorrow. I made an appointment two weeks ago because I'm having trouble with my eyes. I don;t know whats going on ....Its not like I need new glasses. I explained that everything looks like I'm seeing it through dirty contact lens'. And I see halos around lights even during the day... And glare.

I was driving home yesterday before sunset and the glare was making the world look foggy -- but there was no fog. But maybe not fog --- maybe more like white-out.... like a snowstorm.

I don't know. I've been dealing with it for a while now -- first thinking it was was a prescription change. Than thinking not.... Than thinking I had no idea at all... Than thinking I was losing my eyesight. And .....

And what would I do?

When I did this card I guess that's why it appealed to me. The thought of going into the darkness and coming out into the sunshine on the other side.

At least thats the plan....

Choose! ACEO

2008-11-21T05:31:00.003-08:00

Choose! ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Every new day bursts with possibility. It's hard it imagine changing your life drastically but the truth is we really can.

You can move down the same road for days...months...years,even....And than one day just decide --- Enough! And take a right turn. Go in a different direction. Take a different road... A new path.

You can change the way you are. Just because you have 'always done something' doesn't mean you have to continue to do it. People who say but I always do....can just as easily say I always did....

But now I choose to do...

Because each dawn brings you choices. Infinite choices. More than you thought you had... probably more than you can imagine.

And probably less than you will have tomorrow!

Choose!

Fresh start ACEO

2008-11-21T05:31:00.001-08:00

Fresh start ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Life is hard.... A fresh start is easy.

I know life is hard. I don't have to list the things that are difficult. I can't really -- everyone has a different list.

But even on days when looking to the left hurts... and looking to the right is even worse... Looking up can be all I need to feel better.

Looking at the sky, past the top of my house...past the trees... past the birds... and way past my problems is something that I can always do. Something that always eases me. Eases my mind, relaxes my body... gives me perspective...

It doesn't matter what I don't have, what I think I don't have --- the beautiful sky is always there for me. Offering up a deep cleansing breath and a fresh start.

(Every once in a while the scanner picks up kinks in the paper --- it certainly did here. There is a thick layer of gloss over this card even though you can't see it here. I do a background collage so the main image is generally not pristinely flat but here it looks quite the mess --- Ah, well ... Scanners are great but sometimes they pick up all kinds of brouhaha thats not exactly showing. ::::shrug::: )

No Vacancy ACEO

2008-11-21T05:30:00.003-08:00

No Vacancy ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Do you make room for yourself in your own life?

Is what you want...What you need important? Do you do everything for everyone but can't find a second for what you need? Are your needs always second...or way way down the list of importance?

Is your head and heart so full of things to do for others that every time you consider doing something for yourself a brightly lit No Vacancy light starts blinking?

I used to think that was a good thing...an admirable thing. Altruistic. But I've come to another conclusion --- It's not good. You can't always put the needs of others above your own --- Not always. Some people do it because they don't think they deserve to be up on the list and others seem to need being needed...But either way, it's never a good thing.

You have to make room in your own life for yourself.

And it has to be inside you...

The Glass-Crazy Ceiling ACEO

2008-11-21T05:30:00.001-08:00

The Glass-Crazy Ceiling ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I took this picture in Cape May, NJ last week end. I was in a non-descript room and than looked up.... And saw the sky! And was awe struck. It was so much more beautiful than the room ...or anything in it. But I was confused too.

As beautiful as something is, does it count if you can't touch it?

Is it real if it's not available? If your supposed to be equal but not treated so, are you?

And it got me thinking because sometimes I apply for jobs and technically they can't say we won't hire you because your bipolar -- but I do tell them I am -- and I never get a call back. And I'd never not gotten a job before I was, never even not worked for more than 2 weeks at a time.

So even if I am allowed to work -- am I really?

LET THEM EAT CAKE aceo

2008-10-23T07:33:00.001-07:00

LET THEM EAT CAKE aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

The people of this country didn't want the 700-billion-dollar bail out... Why?

I think it's because there is no trust level anymore... No trust that that huge amount of money would be used in the spirit it was given... That any of the people in charge of the money would be good stewards... And would use it for what it was intended....

Although as hard as I've looked I didn't see anyone saying what exactly it was intended for.

So when one of the companies spent more than $440,000 for an executive reward just days after receiving an 85-billion dollar US government loan... People were angry but no one was shocked.

The explanation from the company? In a nutshell - These rewards are normal... Something always done... Necessary to keep the best and brightest sales force.

Perhaps. Frankly, I wonder where the best and the brightest would go anyway if they were let go but that's neither here nor there.... But maybe the explanation made sense... in the past... when companies didn't have worry about how things would look to the public... didn't just take an incomprehensible amount of money to remain solvent... Didn't have to explain where the money came from...

And I think that's the point here... They never expected to have to explain anything.

I've been trying to figure out what this whole brouhaha (That the current admisistraion calls despicable) reminds me of...and I've got it.

It reminds me of cases I've seen on the Judge Judy TV program.

There seem to be a lot of court cases where either the defendant or the plaintiff or both... are on disability...or welfare... or some get some sort of government help.

These ill-fated people come in trying to recover for something that perhaps in hindsight was a bad idea. If you are someone who needs help it's probably a bad idea to go on national TV and try to recover your 52 inch plasma screen , cell phones... designer shoes and $400 Lucky Brand jeans.

How does it look when you need help but you making your TV debut in rockin' clothes, sporting manicured nails, totally 'done' hair and a few pounds of jewelry and explaining how someone stole your $3500 television?

And Judge Judy notices all this... We all do, but she's there.... She asks who takes care of your kids? And you say, You do... And she shouts - No, Bird and I do. Go collect cans.

Is she harsh? Yeah. Is she right? Well, that's up to each person to decide...but I get it.... We all get it. And that's why it reminds me of what happened when the government gave out 85 billion and than $440,000 was spent on something frivolous.

The company was saying - We always did it...It was already planned. And the fact is, as I've learned from Judge Judy, once you accept money...any money, you have a responsibility to spend wisely. All the money you have. Collectively. Unless, of course, the $440,000 came from collecting cans.

This aceo card is double-sided. It's not two cards! The dollar was not cut but folded around the back side - its not signed yet but I will sign it before mailing... It was done on a matte board base with collaged art papers. The papers compliment the colors of the dollar. The dollar was wrapped around the side and everything was glazed with the thick acrylic sealer... Its one of the thicker cards Ive done.

Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me ACEO

2008-10-18T17:20:00.001-07:00

Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've read this poem a lot recently. It's one of the first one's I found when I started goggling famous quotes.
Quotes like:

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;

I knew the first line, but nothing more.

I was surprised to find it was an Emily Dickinson poem. Shes one of those people who I considered stale and musty and to my eternal embarrassment too creaky and without current relevance to read.

I continue to live and learn ... and become humble.

I've read what people think this poem is about - how the different stanzas represent the progression of life ... or maybe death is a suitor... or maybe a betrayer? Or she is ready to die ? Or not? Perhaps she is ill...Or already dead....And

I'm not sure really and have no scholarly letters.... but I think perhaps it's Emily Dickinson saying - No one is ready, least of all herself.

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, be passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

on ebay http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=150304316020

despair aceo

2008-10-18T17:19:00.001-07:00

despair aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

How bad does despair feel? The dictionary says despair is: Loss of hope...hopelessness. To lose, or give up...to be without hope...

I think it's worse. I don't even think it's close to that. I don't even think it's close enough for you to have seen the hope you once had.

Despair is not a feeling - It's physical. It's heavy and lays on your chest like an x-ray apron. Heavier than sadness.

Despair doesn't bend you; it breaks you.... Unrelenting, like a slow burn.

The main image of this card is one I did in marker in the late 90's... It was placed on a matte board backing cut into aceo format with a collage of art papers. The whole thing is coved with a thick acrylic glaze.

on ebay http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=150304311756

The elephant in the livingroom ACEO

2008-10-16T05:50:00.003-07:00

The elephant in the livingroom ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

How many of us lived a life of visible hurting and no one saw? Or are living one now? How much pain swirled above our family living rooms but no one looked up?

How many of us look perfectly normal but are constantly bleeding from deep wounds? Old.... and new.....

It's painful to know just how much blood people are able to pretend isn't there; even if you're bleeding all over their living room floor.

despair aceo

2008-10-16T05:50:00.001-07:00

despair aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

The charges included close to 200,000 dollars for rooms -- which costbetween 425 and 1,200 dollars per night -- over 150,000 for meals and23,000 in spa charges

2008-10-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

You know there has to be some sort of saying that fits the AIG executive post-bail out spa outing...

Maybe......

We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. ~Buzzie Bavasi

Maybe.....

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. ~Woody Allen

Maybe....

"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes ..." credited to Leona Helmsley by a former employee. She was later convicted of federal income tax evasion.

But I digress....When all is said and done, bail out speaking, perhaps LAUREN SILVA and DWIGHT CASS summed up the spirit of how much hope AIG shareholders had to look forward to.... on Breakingviews.com

" Of course, A.I.G. would also still own the financial assets that have caused so much trouble. They have been written down heavily, but markets are still deteriorating. An upturn or the government’s rescue program could increase their worth. But right now there isn’t much value for shareholders to hang their hopes on. "

But off the shareholders and onto more fun things...like $23,000 worth of spa services.

While there isn't much hope of trickle down benefits... Tricke up is alive and well. Even a "Bush spokeswoman was outraged" [by the spending] - Granted, that statement screams OXYMORON and though it pains me, I have to agree with the Bush spokewoman.

Please read the AFP article while I go flail myself for the last statement.

Bush spokeswoman 'outraged' by AIG junket1 day agoWASHINGTON (AFP) — President George W. Bush's chief spokeswoman expressed outrage Wednesday at reports that AIG executives spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a spa retreat after the US government rescued the firm."I understand why the American people would be outraged. I am. It's pretty despicable," Dana Perino told reporters.She spoke after US lawmakers were told that AIG spent more than 440,000 dollars for an executive getaway at a California beach resort just days after the insurance giant was rescued by an 85-billion-dollar US government loan.Bush lobbied for a 700-billion-dollar bailout package to help the US public, said Perino, who stressed: "He did not do that to help top executives and certainly not to help executives go to a spa."The US Federal Reserve stepped in to save American International Group from imminent collapse on September 16, with a loan that gave the US government a stake of 79.9 percent in the insurance behemoth in the deal."Less than one week later, AIG held a week-long retreat for company executives at the exclusive St. Regis resort in Monarch Beach, California," Democratic Congressman Henry Waxman told the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform on Tuesday.Invoices showed that AIG paid the Pacific Ocean getaway resort more than 440,000 dollars, Waxman told the committee on its second day of hearings on the Wall Street economic crisis.The charges included close to 200,000 dollars for rooms -- which cost between 425 and 1,200 dollars per night -- over 150,000 for meals and 23,000 in spa charges, he said.

So what was AIG's explaination?

According to AIG spokesman Nicholas Ashooh "It's as basic as salary as a means to reward performance.”

Really? I never worked for a company that didn't decrease it's rewards during tough fiscal times...no matter how good the performance.

Also according to Christi L. Gibson, Executive Director of Recognition Professionals International, what AIG did on the retreat is not unusual because hundreds of thousands to multi-millions are spent by companies on employee recognition, rewards and appreciation. “And it is actually profitable,” says Gibson,

(I think that is going to turn into an unfortunate statement)

“and here’s why. Recognizing employees generates motivation which increases productivity which influences the bottom line.”

Um. Bottom line? If what Ms. Gibson says is correct (in relations to AIG) than why would the bottom line be.....Oh what was that quote?

"But right now there isn’t much value for shareholders to hang their hopes on."

Right. There isn't much for the shareholders. AIG did cancel the next employee recognition ...award. But to be honest, I don't think it was canceled due to any ethical remorse... But because the last one turned into a Public Relations Cluster F.... um..... Disaster.

Now, if you'll all excuse me I'm going to have some ramen noodles for dinner (they were on sale at riteaid for 9¢) and wash my hair with coconut suave shampoo (79 ¢ also at riteaid)

And the winner of the aceo card is....

2008-10-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

IOWA SUNSHINE! I had 5 comments and used a random number generator - here - I used the second parameter (which I changed to 1 t0 5) and Iowa Sunshine is the second comment.

Random six-sided dice	2
Random number between 1 and 5	2
Random lottery number between 1 and 42	11
Random lottery number between 1 and 49	6
Random number between 1 and 100	17
Random number between 1 and 1000	415
Random number between -100 and 100	98

Iowa - You comment was so touching. I'd love to send you that card. I'll need your address - would you get in contact with me at me.parler@gmail.com?

PS - The give a way ended yesterday, Wednesday. For some reason I wrote the wrong date.... So I did count the last comment.

Thank you all, I'll be doing this again.
Tracy

The air gets crisp...the leaves turn gold... Honeycrisp apples appear in the store again... That can only mean one thing! It's that time of year! Time for...

2008-10-08T12:45:00.001-07:00

The air gets crisp...the leaves turn gold... Honeycrisp apples appear in the store again... That can only mean one thing! It's that time of year! Time for...
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

..... the annual (pretty much) stand off with my lungs. Usually its weeks of coughing...followed by weeks of wheezing.... until I finally give in, admit I have asthmatic bronchitis and go to the doctor just in time to spend Thanksgiving on steroids.

This year my lungs faked me out. Knocked me on my ass in a few hours. No notice this year - went to bed Monday night, maybe sneezed 4 times...maybe coughed twice. Woke up slamming sick. So sick that I didn't wait weeks to go see the doctor but called a few hours into realizing I was sick.... So sick that my doctors first words were "Wow, you look awful"....So sick that her second words were "Have you traveled outside the country recently?"

That last one is never a good thing when you were healthy 24 hours before and now look like wax.

Pneumonia. 140 pulse. Rest. Levoquin. Cough syrup. Three days in bed (with a laptop thats hardly a prison sentence). Tons of improvement by Friday ....or call. No really, call. And drink. Drink drink drink and drink some more.... Very dehydrated.

I'm quite annoyed with my lungs at the moment.

Grab all you are and move on down your path aceo

2008-10-08T11:17:00.001-07:00

Grab all you are and move on down your path aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Many people don’t think bipolar disorder is all that bad; in fact some seem to think it’s kind of a kick. I’ve thought a lot about it and I don’t think it’s bipolar disorder per se that’s so interesting - It’s the whole mania thing that’s so fascinating.

To check out my theory I goggled the word mania and genius. I got 3,430,000
hits. 783,000 for mania and creativity. I only got 262 hits for the words mania and chronic sinus infection (And that‘s partially because I‘ve posted this essay before - so some of the hits were for this). I see a pattern here.

Why is it that bipolar disorder is associated with creative genius? And is that a good thing? After all, there are lists of all the tortured creative types with bipolar disorder (those with documented bipolar and those that are just inferred to have had it based on their lives, being dead and all). What is it about the disorder that is so intriguing? 3,430,000 is a lot of hits. I think it’s mania. More so, a misunderstanding of mania.

I met a man with narcolepsy once. Another hugely misunderstood disease. Many people think narcoleptics are just sleepier than most. That is not even an understatement.

The fact is, narcoleptics sometimes cannot control wakefulness. They are not falling asleep like you and I. They are going from fully awake to dreaming, uncontrollably. It can happen when they are standing up, talking, at work, or just lying around watching the tube. It can happen during any period of high emotion (Think huge argument with a spouse. Think traumatic event. Think during a hearty laugh or good cry. Think sex).

The man I met was severe. He told me that every year on Thanksgiving; he fell asleep in his turkey. I asked what his family would do. He said they would continue to eat; he would wake up eventually. My mistake was making a joke about that while he was standing. I saw his eye start to sag, than his lip, and than his shoulder. The next thing I knew I was bolting across the room to catch him before he fell.

Narcolepsy is a serious medical issue. One that is life long, but for most, can be managed with drugs. I have heard a few people with insomnia go on and on about how; “Wish I had narcolepsy instead”. I didn’t tell them about the Thanksgiving guy because generally people are more interested in having something to whine about, than facts. I knew they were only seeing a tiny part of narcolepsy, the part that appealed to them.

I think the same is true for bipolar disorder. People see about it what intrigues them. There are many lists available of famous people with bipolar disorder. Some people will read the accomplishments and think, “if only“. But haven’t they noticed the number of suicides and broken lives among those geniuses? Would they be so willing to take the bipolar-glitz if they had to take the bipolar-dregs as well?

Some people would, I fear. There are many ways to get from point A to point B. You can walk. You can take a bus. You can ride a bike. Uncontrolled mania is a lot like getting from point A to point B riding a bullet. To some people riding a bullet sounds easier, faster, and more fun than taking a bus. It certainly sounds more exciting--and dangerous. Truth is, I know quite a lot of bipolar folks who would pick riding the bullet too, even though they know better. Mania may be as uncontrollable as riding a bullet, but it’s very seductive.

I do appreciate the ease with which I can do some things that I might otherwise find difficult (The glitz). I’m sure my narcoleptic friend doesn’t even understand the concept of insomnia and is probably grateful for it. Over the years, I have also come to accept the dregs because acceptance is about moving ahead with your life. Obviously my narcoleptic friend and his family are at peace with his diagnosis, as well --Face full of turkey and mashed ‘taters every year, and all.

Does being at peace with your diagnosis mean you relish everything about it? No. Should you feel guilty if you enjoy any 'perks'? No. Would I trade it all to not be bipolar? Hard question. It is so much enmeshed in what I am now, I would miss it. Would my narcoleptic friend give it away? It’s a hard call. I don’t know. In either of our cases, it’s a moot point. We are what we are and the most we can do is grab it all and move on.

Sliding down the wall aceo

2008-10-08T07:26:00.001-07:00

Sliding down the wall aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've had this image for a long long time. I was drawing like this early in my diagnosis of bipolar disorder - sometime about 1997 or 1998. At that time I was only using marker and trying to get my thoughts and feelings on paper as fast as I could. I was doing many images a day - Most I got rid of because they embarrassed me. Later I added colored pencil to the markers or just used colored pencil but they were slower to draw with and finer looking. The drawings were more elegant. The early marker drawings were much more raw looking.

This is a picture I don't even remember doing, which is odd because I remember drawing most of them. There was a catharsis in the drawing - once the feeling was on paper it gave the emotion a place to live so it didn't have to live inside of me. I used to look at them after they were done and feel the relief - feeling the awfulness leave me. So I find it so odd that I have no memory of this one. It must have been a really really bad day.

The image is about sliding down that wall....trying to hang on and getting nothing for your trouble but broken nails and blood. It's about hanging on to anything... a relationship beyond repair... your sanity, ideals... a dream you've had.... we all have them.

Those things that are too painful to give up but excruciatingly painful to hold.

on ebay - cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150302164499

The border of sane aceo

2008-10-05T15:37:00.001-07:00

The border of sane aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

When I was doing this card I intended it to be linked to the poem - Do not go gentle into that good night - by Dylan Thomas.... and it still is. But as I was working on it, it started to become about the poet as well.

The light....the dark.... either or. Not a whole lot of detail in the middle ground.... A card of extremes.

Countless books have been written and studies done - Oh, the money that must be spent on these studies - to determine if there is a correlation between creativity and madness.

It's hardly a new idea. In 1933 Dylan Thomas published an essay in the South Wales Evening Post entitled "Genius and Madness Akin in the World of Art".

According to what I've read (and I can not find the actual article so I've only been able to read about what he wrote) it discusses that genius (and I assume he is using this to mean genius in the form of creativity) seems to be a double edged sword of sorts.

And that one so 'blessed' is always walking a line.... on one edge of a sharp blade, as it were .... and it is "difficult to differentiate, with any sureness, between insanity and eccentricity". He asserted that "the borderline of insanity is more difficult to trace than the majority of people, comparatively safe within the barriers of their own common-sensibility, can realise."

He's right, you know.... The border of insanity is probably the most difficult barrier to grasp. And what's crazy and what's just eccentric? (Leaving alone that fact that people with money, lots of money, are generally regarded as eccentric and not crazy)

But that line.... that 'when do you cross over to insane line' ...thats a tough one. Ask anyone who's ever been inpatient before who was crazier....the patients? Or the ones on the other side of the locked door?

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

on ebay - http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150301879193

Much madness aceo

2008-10-05T05:37:00.001-07:00

Much madness aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

It's long painful road, being different in this world.

Society doesn't like those of us that don't fit.... don't fit the acceptable norms.... Those of us that aren't smack in the middle of the bell curve have very few places to call home.... We don't fit.

We don't fit in many neighborhoods, or jobs... some of us don't even fit in airline seats. Society has many ways people can 'not fit'... Sometimes how we look....some times who we are....sometimes what we've done in the past... sometimes what they are afraid we will do in the future...sometimes it's just our size.... or who our parents are... There are so many ways not to fit it's amazing any of us fit at all.

I don't have any hope that it will change.

My mis-fit ... my outside-ness.... my strangeness.... I forget about it most days. I've been bipolar so long it's part of me, perhaps it always was part of me. I don't see the parts of the disorder as strange anymore, just symptoms. Neutral... like a fever... or a sneeze. It's only when I catch 'that' look... that glance someone gives me when they think I'm not looking at them anymore that makes me remember, "oh, yeah... right, I'm scary"

It's not new.....Emily Dickinson wrote about the same thing in 1862. Unfortunately if things haven't changed in 162 years there isn't much hope of them changing in the next 162...

Much Madness is divinest Sense
To a discerning Eye
Much Sense—the starkest Madness
'Tis the Majority
In this, as All, prevail
Assent—and you are sane
Demur—you're straightway dangerous
And handled with a Chain

Yes, Emily.... handled with a chain. You are most correct.... but rarely is there a discerning eye.

This card is done on an aceo blank made of matte board. I did a collage of art papers and put the image on top of that. Its
quite thick because I printed the image on a thicker paper than i usually do.

Robert Frost aceo

2008-10-03T16:15:00.001-07:00

Robert Frost aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Sometimes when I'm driving I see old church graveyards and have to stop to walk between the stones. I like the quiet dignity that resides there. I like to honor those souls that remain... I feel sad that there are probably never visitors... the last burial probably hundreds of years before.

The grass is always soft and green, the stones always beautifully aged by weather....but there is a loneliness. A lack of new flowers left... No signs of recent love.... No hint of loved ones missed. I'm always glad I stopped to sit a while with people losg past missed... long passed remembered... Long past.

Robert Frost wrote a poem about these graveyards, In a Disused Graveyard, in his 1924 Pulitzer Prize winning book, New Hampshire (which also included Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening) To me, it says all I feel about these places. And perhaps more.

In a Disused Graveyard

The living come with grassy tread
To read the gravestones on the hill;
The graveyard draws the living still,
But never anymore the dead.
The verses in it say and say:
"The ones who living come today
To read the stones and go away
Tomorrow dead will come to stay."
So sure of death the marbles rhyme,
Yet can't help marking all the time
How no one dead will seem to come.
What is it men are shrinking from?
It would be easy to be clever
And tell the stones: Men hate to die
And have stopped dying now forever.
I think they would believe the lie.

on ebay - cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150301259...

Happy childhood aceo

2008-10-02T05:59:00.001-07:00

Happy childhood aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I did this card a few months ago and liked it so much I kept it around. I don't normally keep cards because I need to sell them to be able to keep doing them but this one I kept wanting to look at and I wanted to figure out why.... I know now. This door way looked so happy to me... It's a door way that made me feel like I wanted to feel when I was walking home from the school bus. This picture made me feel how I wanted to feel as I got closer to the door to my childhood home. Welcomed. Happy. Joyful. You know good things happen behind this door... You know happy people live behind this door.... Kind people. Loving people.

I don't know how many people had happy childhoods, I've met a few...but just a few. The rest seem to be a combination of people who at best felt 'on hold' and couldn't wait to start their own lives or at worst were the walking walking wounded. Childhood is not for the weak.

I've heard the saying "It's never too late to have a happy childhood" for many years and I've taken it seriously. My inner little girl has liked different toys over the years and I've gone through all the phases with her - Barbie....Polly Pockets.... Hello Kitty... I try to reparent myself the best I can. I think it's possible to an extent.

Scars don't go away....but they do fade away... and so do memories.

There was something very nice about this card for me. It was a concrete place to focus my thoughts of "home".... A place to imagine once I went through the green door my happy childhood still lived...

Cocoon ACEO GIVE A WAY

2008-10-01T07:09:00.001-07:00

IF YOU WISH TO BE ENTERED IN THE GIVE A WAY FOR THIS CARD JUST COMMENT ON THIS POST BY WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 5, 2008. I WILL USE AN INTERNET RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR TO PICK THE WINNER BASED ON THE TOTAL NUMBER OF COMMENTS.

If you don't have a blog please sign your comment with an email address so I can email you if you win - anonymous comments provide me with no information!

Please, only one comment per person. I will pay the postage myself, the winner will get the card mailed to them with no strings attached.... and my thanks for appreciating my art!
****If this is something that people seem to enjoy I will try to do this frequently*****
cocoon aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've worked with this image before because it tugs at me. Calls to me... It's special to me... It's simple and sad and nurturing at the same time. It's about caring for myself. It's about taking care of my mind, my sanity and my body... It's how I survive when all I have left is the shell.

I was drawing like this in the summer of '97, months before I was diagnosed but I was symptomatic. At that time I was more concerned with quickly getting feelings down on paper and I don't think I had started using colored pencils yet; I believe when I did this one I was still only using markers. They were fast to work with, had blazing, sometimes shocking, color and they suited everything I needed at the time.

I've done this card before with the theme of overwhelmed. About when it's all - everything and everyone - it's all just too much. How at some point you can't take a thing more - a good thing, a bad thing...anything.... not one thing more. And you know all that works to make it better is collapsing in on yourself. Curling up. Not hearing or seeing anything else until you are ready...

Every once in a while I redo this card because it has meaning to me and I always get emails from people who tell me it has meaning to them as well. Even people who aren't bidding. Sometimes people just write to say I gave words to their feelings... I think thats an important thing so I try and use this image on different cards. The other thing is when ever I list it people who didn't win the auction ask me to relist a card with the same image. I can't replicate cards because no two are ever the same but I can use a main image again.

When I was doing this card for someone an odd thing happened. It stopped being the card Overwhelmed and became the card Cocoon. With this card I put gauze over the image... Some with the traditional gauze look and some just shreds of gauze. When I stopped to look at it ...the meaning had changed. What was once a figure collapsing in on itself in protection was now a figure spinning a protective cocoon... being proactive. Taking care of herself... Waiting out the storm in warm safe place of her own making.

For me there was something very different about this card. It showed a stronger figure. A person who didn't just have to wait for the storm to pass while curled up and hope for the best...but a person who could self-soothe. A person who could make her own safe place. A person who was on her way to 'better' even as she waited.

When I realized what I had in this card it was an empowering moment that I can't explain.

The card was done on a base of mat board cut into ACEO format. Through the main image you can see the base papers and I think that that gives even more of a feeling of vulnerability... The figure is not only curled into a fetal position but you can almost see through her...or partly...like she's fading away. Even so she is protecting herself against the onslaught of life

The third step aceo

2008-10-01T06:50:00.003-07:00

The third step aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Step Three invoves making "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

I know and have known a lot of people doing twelve step programs and have my own experience as well. And for me I find the programs spiritual - as opposed to religious.... but I know that is me. I am comfortable because of the inclusion of "as we understand Him" . For me the programs wouldn't be workable without that. I was looking through some of the cards I had done and when I saw this one it said 'step 3' to me...

The card is a photograph I took at Cape May, NJ a few years ago. I collaged a mat board cut into aceo format and place the picture on the collage. I printed the photograph on an art paper, as I do most of the time so there are interesting inclusions through out the image. This one is a bit different because I finished the surface with embossing powder for a clear, hard surface. The finish isnt smoothe but looks like rain...

Fight stigma with humor aceo

2008-10-01T06:50:00.001-07:00

Fight stigma with humor aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Some days being bipolar amuses me; others not so much. Some days I'm dazzling and others, well, I can't string two words together. During times when I collapse into a discordant jumble of symptoms and side effects; bipolar primordial ooze, as it were, nothing makes me feel better than The Jerry Springer Show.

There is something oddly comforting about watching Barney next to his girlfriend, Thomaseena (complete with Adam's apple), being oblivious that this not so delicate flower of womanhood, is a man. I sit and scream at the TV, "C'mon, how could you NOT know?" Barney doesn't hear me. Jerry's audience is drowning me out.

Watching the show makes me feel better. I know it's not normal to see lace hankies walking up a flight of stairs. I know that, even as I hear their little stiletto heels clacking on the way up. But Barney. Dear Barney. Your girlfriend has a penis. How can you miss a penis? Which on a 6' 4" man, even a 6'4' man in a gold lame cocktail frock, must be of some substance.

I can't rationalize why society thinks it's scary that I see things that aren't there while its entertainment that Barney doesn't see genitalia that is there. Perhaps if I saw penises wearing stiletto heels clacking up the stairs. But I digress

The truth is there are plenty of undiagnosed folks; not all on The Jerry Springer Show. There is pathology on both sides of that locked door, and at times the undiagnosed scare the crap out of me. No one is free of idiosyncrasies. No one is free of things they would never share with another living soul. Everyone has a dark side. Not just the diagnosed. People forget that.

I'm tired of thinking about how people will see me if I come out of the bipolar closet. How can I lessen the stigma if I only let the socially acceptable bipolar stuff come out? You know the things I mean. It's the things that all the bipolar actors, writers, and newscasters cop to when giving interviews. The wanting to write/draw/paint/act all night long...and never needing to sleep ...the endless creativity... the ending up in rehab on a Caribbean Island. Basically, all the things that make people without bipolar think - That doesn't sound that bad, in fact it sounds kinda cool.

Do I go up to strangers to tell them tales of walking hankies? Do I have a bumper sticker that says, ASK ME ABOUT MY HALLUCINATIONS? No, that's crazy. And when all is said and done, I'm just bipolar... I'm not crazy.

This card is done on a matte board base with a collaged art paper background. The main image is printed on a plain paper but over the paper are many layers of thick acrylic - some with small glass beads. The card is thick and it looks like your looking at the image through rain.

cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STR...

The sounds of silence aceo

2008-10-01T06:49:00.001-07:00

The sounds of silence aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

The sounds of silence aceo
There is something peaceful about old church graveyards. Something in the dewy soft green grass and faded gravestones... How quiet it is among the stones. Even when the the graveyard is near a road... or a school....once you walk inside the walls a silence comes and drowns out any noise and thoughts you had before you entered the world of the stones.

It always reminds me of the beginning of the song, Sounds of silence....

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

Pregnancy aceo

2008-10-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

Pregnancy aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

It's hard to think of a time more filled with potential... more joy.... more fear... than when you look down and all you see is...well....belly! I usually write a lot to describe my cards but with this one...I think you're going to have to fill in your own words. A belly is a personal thing :)

I collaged a mat board cut into aceo format and placed the picture on the collage. I printed the photograph on an art paper, as I do most of the time so there are interesting inclusions through out the image. The card is thick due to many layers of acrylic medium - some with small glass beads. Its almost like looking at the image as a memory...

for sale

INVICTUS ACEO

2008-09-24T10:14:00.001-07:00

INVICTUS ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

A stanza from a poem has been coming in and out of my thoughts lately.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me...

Unafraid.

I'm writing it that way because that's the way I kept hearing it in my thoughts; with the unafraid after a long pause. I searched for the whole poem yesterday and found it. It's called Invictus. Invictus is a Latin word meaning unconquered.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

As you can see it's written a little different than Ive been hearing it but that is really of no consequence. After reading the entire thing and seeing that it ends with another phrase Ive wondered about I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.
I sat and cried. The poets name was William Ernest Henley.. A man of incredible strength with a life that would have crippled lesser people. Henley was diagnosed with tuberculosis of the bone at age 12 leading to the amputation of his left leg below the knee. He faced amputation of his right leg several years and kept it because he refused the procedure. He spent 3 years in the hospital (1873-18750 due the disease in his right leg and it's believed her wrote Invictus during that hospitalization.

The picture I used for this card is of a sidewalk along a beach road... A path going into the horizon. A metaphor for me of path your life takes, walking forward towards a place you can't see in the distance, the place being your own life, your future. Unconquered. Unafraid. Moving forward no matter how straight the gait.... how difficult because you are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.

ummmmm...... Sarah Who?

2008-09-09T12:53:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to deal with how I feel about the nomination, this isnt about that.

What I can't stand is how people (well, republicans.) lined up in a neat embarrasing row behind her nomination.

I mean there isn't even a whiff of "I think for my self" about the reaction to her nomination. None.

You will cringe later much as Cristie Todd Whitman probably cringes when she remembers saying the air around the World Trade Towers was....what was it? Safe to breathe.

I'm in the current issue of CARDADDIX

2008-07-14T09:19:00.001-07:00

I'm in the current issue!
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I'm in the current issue!
The current issue of cardaddix just came out and I have a card featured!

It's the newsletter associated with ACEO MAGAZINE aceomagazine.com/. Subscriptions and individual issues can be purchased at the website.

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What might have been aceo

2008-07-12T15:35:00.003-07:00

What might have been aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Have you ever wondered where the famous line "For of all sad words of tongue or pen,The saddest are these: "It might have been!" came from? John Greenleaf Whittier (1807–1892) wrote those words in his poem Maud Muller.

For me it sums up the sadness of a life not lived to the fullest... I think at some point we all take the gift we were given for granted.

for sale

I'm reprinting the poem here to share it with people who have never seen it.

Maud Muller

by John Greenleaf Whittier

MAUD MULLER, on a summer's day,
Raked the meadow sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth
Of simple beauty and rustic health.

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee
The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But when she glanced to the far-off town,
White from its hill-slope looking down,

The sweet song died, and a vague unrest
And a nameless longing filled her breast,

A wish, that she hardly dared to own,
For something better than she had known.

The Judge rode slowly down the lane,
Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade
Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed
Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,
And filled for him her small tin cup,

And blushed as she gave it, looking down
On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge; "a sweeter draught
From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees,
Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether
The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown,
And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleased surprise
Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

At last, like one who for delay
Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away.

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah me!
That I the Judge's bride might be!

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,
And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;
My brother should sail a painted boat.

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,
And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor
And all should bless me who left our door."

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,
And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet
Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

"And her modest answer and graceful air
Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day,
Like her, a harvester of hay

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs,
Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle and song of birds,
And health and quiet and loving words."

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,
And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,
And Maud was left in the field alone.

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon,
When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well,
Till the rain on the unraked clover,

He wedded a wife of richest dower,
Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow,
He watched a picture come and go;

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes
Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft, when the wine in his glass was red,
He longed for the wayside well instead;

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms
To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,
"Ah, that I were free again!

"Free as when I rode that day,
Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,
And many children played round her door.

But care and sorrow, and childbirth pain,
Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot
On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

And she heard the little spring brook fall
Over the roadside, through the wall;

In the shade of the apple-tree again
She saw a rider draw his rein.

And gazing down with timid grace
She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls
Stretched away into stately halls;

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,
The tallow candle an astral burned,

And for him who sat by the chimney lug,
Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

A manly form at her side she saw,
And joy was duty and love was law.

Then she took up her burden of life again,
Saying only, "it might have been."

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!

God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;

And, in the hereafter, angels may
Roll the stone from its grave away!

The card is an image I took in a graveyard in basking ridge New Jersey. The base of the card is mat board cut into aceo format.

Fetal aceo

2008-07-12T15:35:00.001-07:00

Fetal aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I've used this image before.

This card is about when it's all - everything and everyone - it's all just too much. How at some point you can't take a thing more - a good thing, a bad thing...anything.... not one thing more. And you know all that works to make it better is collapsing in on yourself. Curling up. Not hearing or seeing anything else until you are ready...

The card was done on a base of mat board cut into ACEO format. Through the main image you can see the base papers and I think that that gives even more of a feeling of vulnerability... The figure is not only curled into a fetal position but you can almost see through her...or partly...like she's fading away. On top of the image are webby papers, gauzy papers and glass beads. There is a haze over her. Its more obvious in person...the scan shows more of the figure than you can see when you look at the card.

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Know what's sick? aceo

2008-07-10T07:12:00.001-07:00

Know what's sick? aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

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Know what's sick? aceo
The mentally ill commit crimes on television that diabetics do not. Has an episode of Law and Order ever focused on a defendant's irritable bowel syndrome?Or has a raging sinus infection ever been a mitigating factor?

Nope and nope....

Bipolar Disorder isn't an identity, or an excuse or a reason to feel sorry for me, it's a chronic illness. And I'm a person... not an illness with a person hanging off a label. It hurts that I can pick a random police drama and, with reasonable certainty, see someone with the same diagnosis on trial for a heinous crime because the mentally ill commit crimes on TV that people with carpel tunnel syndrome don't.

The portrayal of mental illness in the media is endless generalizations; generalization upon generalizion until the kernal of truth is lost. We see creepy, scary folks that eat bugs. The homeless. The stalkers. The people who pee in doorways while reciting the Gettysburg address and make you want to take another way home. Those that are news worthy when they run naked at major sporting events. Movies with fun-loving inpatients who your kids would love to hang with...

What's worse? Stigma or sideshow over-fascination? Despite the media's portrayal; we are not all bug-eating door-way peeing naked streakers or hopelessly hip inpatients. There is a middle-ground to live with bipolar disorder and most of us are there; boring as hell.

Stigma is about shame. Stigma can only go on in the dark so I try and answer questions people ask me:

"It's called Bipolar Disorder, rapid cycling with mixed episodes. Uh-huh. That's a mouthful. Yes, I've hallucinated. No, not often. It's been years, I think.... The funniest one? Well--It's hard to classify the psychotic as amusing but I suppose the funniest one was when the linguine with clam sauce was talking. It did too! No, I swear. Well. What it was saying is a hard one. No matter how close I moved my ear to the plate I still couldn't tell what they were saying. I ultimately decided the clams weren't talking to me but amongst themselves."

I am willing to talk openly about my meds:

"There are a lot of drugs. Mood stabilizers like anti-convulsants that epileptics use. (I feel on safe ground here because a drug used for epilepsy doesn't pack the drooling-stigma-punch of Thorazine.) There are drugs for depression. Oh, and the anti-anxiety drugs, the sleeping pills and anti-psychotics are used (The last one can be a bit tricky. While people say they want information, I lose a lot of folks on the anti-psychotics.)"

The drug side effects:

"Some make me tired. Confused... Liver failure.... Acne.... Hair loss, except of course on your chin...where it grows.... Weight gain. No, this one didn't make me gain weight but I gained 80 pounds on a different one. Yes, that was a lot of weight. No, your right. Haven't lost it all."

When people ask if I see and hear things "like TV crazy-people do," maybe they don't want to know. "I'm just like you, silly! No one really has those kinds of thoughts. " Well, no one they know. No one with a son in their kid's school. No one behind them in the 10 items or less grocery aisle...Or shops for shampoo at the same drugstore. Or waits on line behind them at the ATM.

Hopefully, being open and comfortable about myself will lessen stigma over time even if it makes my world a little uncomfortable for a moment or two. Or nine.... Granted, copping to hearing clams speak amongst themselves isn't something most people are ready for but most people aren't ready to change their minds about anything without a little push.

About ten years ago I went to a seminar with a speaker who couldn't make a strong point without swearing. And he made a lot of points. After about an hour a proper-looking woman got up and said she wasn't accustomed to hearing that kind of language. The speaker bolted to within an inch of her face and let loose a string of expletives with a ferocity unequaled to anything since the big bang. The audience held it's collective breath and after a minute the speaker screamed at the now pale woman, "Are you f-ing accustomed to it yet?"

It was a point well taken, with me anyway. People live at their own comfort level until they are challenged. Being that in-your-face does have a place but it isn't usually necessary. Just living visibly in the bipolar middle-ground can be enough. Even if people seem a bit queasy at first about talking shellfish I hope living openly will widen the middle-ground and give me a bigger place to live over time.

20-20 Hindsight aceo

2008-06-13T10:40:00.001-07:00

20-20 Hindsight aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

How many times have you kicked yourself for saying something when you should have bitten your tongue? How many times have you hit send instead of rereading that hot tempered email just once more? How many times has what you done in haste come back to bite you in the ass?

Many, probably.

The sad thing is we never seem to learn. Well, lots of us.

I took this picture in Cape May, NJ and I thought I was taking pictures of a non-discript area of the hotel. A glass-enclosed outside walkway. There was enough light because the sun was just setting ...so I was shooting pictures but not paying much attention to what I was doing (typical).

When I got them on my computer I was shocked. Not only couldn't you see much of the hallway but you could see the blazing sunset reflected in the glass. Had I been paying attention at all, I might have noticed. When I was walking away had I turned and looked over my shoulder I definitely would have noticed because I would have seen the bigger picture. But when I was shooting I was so hyper focused on the hallway beyond the glass I didn't even see the sun setting on the window....in fact I didn't even see the window.

I have a feeling that when you shoot off your mouth... or email a letter you later (probably sooner) regret it's a lot like my not seeing the sunset. You get so hyper-focused on one thing you can't see the bigger picture. Even if its as big and bright and obvious as that sunset.

You feel hurt, or indignant, or put upon, or dissed, or angry...or what ever...fill in the word.... and you lose site of everything else. Like later for example. What will happen later? And how will you ever take the words back? And maybe you mean this now but will you in an hour? And how would you feel if your boss...wife... husband... daughter....Dr. Phil....Judge Judy....ever saw what you wrote? Cause you know it's going to make you look 'less than' not the person you wrote it about....

Supposedly hind-sight is 20-20 but maybe if you pay attention to experience forsight can be too?

bondage aceo

2008-06-13T09:14:00.001-07:00

AVAILABLE SOON
bondage aceo
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

Most people think that life's got them. That they are stuck... trapped in situations that they can't get out of... Hamsters on one those wheels.... In bondage to their jobs.... partners.... bills... obligations... wants... needs....

I think the truth is closer to what you won't let go of, chains you to it.

I think we spend our lives wishing for something else all the while dragging what we don't want around with us... always looking over our shoulders to make sure what we have and don't want is still there, wanting something else but never getting so far away from our comfortable misery so we can't see it.

I think there are a lot of reason people have for doing this ...probably as many reasons as there are people. Some people fear change and living in known pain is better than an uncertain future. After all we know how heavy the chains are... What will it feel like without them? What will we do with our hands? What will we do with all the time we spent complaining? I think Lily Tomlin was right when she said, "I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. " People sure so love to complain!

I think some people really don't believe they can get off the hamster wheel and that dooms you from the start. If you think you can, you can and if you think you can't your right too. It's sort of the cosmic version of a pre-nuptual agreement. Sort of like your saying to the universe... Well I think I can sorta do it...probably... most likely.... but if I can't would you mind mitigating my damages? Might as well tattoo FAILURE across your forehead.

Plus there's a lot of letting go and trusting involved in getting what you want - from yourself and others and letting go isn't something most people find easy. I don't, anyway.

I think most of the stuckness in my life is me.

The card looks better than the picture - the card is uneven in height and very glossy so shooting it and scanning it is difficut. This has been an issue with any card Ive done that been a collage pretty much! This one is no different! The card is an aceo blank of mat board and a highly textured black paper (crinkly)... I only used one background paper and it looks like patent leather - its really cool. The chain is a silver plated small linked chain and it all bound there with thick acrylic sealer.

It's all so close to you ACEO

2008-06-13T09:09:00.001-07:00

BUY

It's all so close to you ACEO
Originally uploaded by popcornfeet

I saw these stones when I looked down.... they were a few inches from my feet on a beach in Cape May, NJ. I almost just squashed them into the sand by walking on them and would never noticed how beautiful they were... How soft looking, how polished.... how worthy of notice.

Maybe it's always like that. Me. Life. Maybe I always assume what I want off in the distance.... and thinking what I need must be over that next hill.... and I know what will make me relax and appreciate what I have is in that newly published self-help book.

But maybe life is always like the experience with these stones. Maybe I already have within my view and reach everything I need. Maybe what's over the next hill doesn't matter because the only thing you really have is the presant... and maybe what's in that next self-help book really is the same thing that was in the last self- help book, with a new cover.

Maybe there is something to be said for living fully in the moment.

This card was done on mat board cut into aceo format. There is a collage done with art papers under the main image and its all sealed with multiple layers of acrylic sealers. I like this card, its pretty and calming.